Fireside IV
It is to the Village Square that the townspeople come to exchange views and thoughts on their beloved spiritual philosophy, learning from each other in kindness and wisdom. Then when their minds have been filled, they retire to the tavern on the western side of the square where they share in social discussion, learning of each other’s events and challenges, happinesses and sometimes sadnesses, too. With a mug or glass in hand, they collect in front of the great Fireplace that dominates the long wall. Benches and chairs are often filled on market day with those who have come from farther away, bringing news of events and views the local people delight in hearing.
If you are feeling disoriented by all the philosophical talk by the fountain in the Village Square, then come sit down on the bench here with us for a while just to soothe your mind and share a mug of tea or coffee. Let’s all make sure the conversation is quiet and simple, caring and thougtful, exactly the kind of talk you might have around a warm hearth, the only light filling the room coming from the fireplace.
This is the fourth installment in the Fireside discussion series. After we reach 900 comments, the page takes too long to load on your computer, and so we start another fresh page. To review previous discussions, we keep the old pages (Fireside I and Fireside II) which you can find under the ‘Village’ tab on the navigation bar at the top of screen under the image of the tree.
Peggy – you will find my blog if you google “leaving the womb-entering life fully”
I used to post most of my blogposts here when the Village was very quiet, and there were rarely any response to them, so i thought they might be malplaced…is that an english word? I would love for you to read the blog♥
I just posted about the sessions since I am guided to offer sessions on Skype/evt phone, waiving my fee and go for donations – and therefore I told Anil – and anybody – an example on how to prepare for such a session. I do not post about session there, I post only my experiences on the road to Awakening with the Course
Anil – posted a mail some hour ago – please find it – about Skype
hugs to all!
Lawrence, thinking of you
mahalo nina
your site is lovely and friendly and informative … hope everyone visits it!!
thanks for the path to finding it … took me right there
I was sitting in the village library having a wee snooze when I was abruptly awoken by a clumsy librarian dropping a book upon my head. luckily I am in the business of serendipity as well as that of forgiveness. Upon inspecting the offending tome I found it of great interest. After roughly and rightly admonishing the klutz whom dispatched the literary object I settled into an extended review of the literary material. The book in question I soon realised was of high quality and it investigated the special relationship and it associated machinations with clear insight and remedial execution in accord, but not in form, with our own methodology A Course in Blunders.
The book in question which I am sure all you minor savants of spirituality have already read is ” The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer.”
I pray this information is of use, if not then forgive me for taking up your precious and somewhat unsustainable sense of individuated self or selves both past, present and future. Now where is that librarian I can feel a wave of victimisation coming on.
fair thee well
Richard
Lovely Richard, so good of you to share this pinged pearl. And thank you for the reminder that ‘my’ individuated self is so unsustainable! Now, on with my lesson yo untether my soul. The bookmsounds fun and interesting. I hope Spring is showing up in your garden!
the untethered soul is a gift of freedom and a way to restore calm
the untethered soul is a fabulous book that is available both in print and audible
open … read … repeat … many times until peace and calm and sanity are restored
the untethered soul takes you on a ride that shows many ways we mess things up and how to not do that!!
how thankful I am for this book and it’s healing message
gratitude to richard for bringing it to the village
wow – i love that story, richard, too!
it really is like sleeping and suddenly a book comes and hits us, and it gets into the dream (of convenience, as ken says) and i, for one, spend all the time wondering how and how and what – instead of getting back to the answer.
when i am in the throes of it, it just seems so insane (and every angst – type word)… when i am getting it, i am all over it.
ugh and just ugh!
*its not real its not real its not real*
ok – now where we – lesson 95. I am One Self – united with my Creator!
A long time for me to not write at the Village. 4days. Feels like a lot longer. Had a wonderful healing session with Nina. Her lovely leading me through the depths of healing. She is truly Love.
Somehow it is not coming to me to write more about this. But a heavy burden that I seemed to have been carrying seems to have fallen off. And I am very happy that is so.
The Lessons nowadays ask for 5 minutes every hour. Today’s Lesson seems like the first time I ever read it. It’s content completely new. I must have really sleepwalking through them the prior times I dd them ! (=
Thanks be to God. That this course exists. And books like the Untethered Soul. I never finished it, it was my friends recently-made-ex-wife’s book I saw at the office. (He too went through a quick divorce, divorce is in the air, the theme around me these days, separation that initial terror of which is playing out all around me and in me).
But it really spoke to me. Must buy it. And to think its been around since 1975. Good thing Oprah is around to bring these things to light. He has come more into public conciousness since he appeared on her show recently ?
Ai don’t know about you guys, the Course is definitely my foundation, but I need to have different people expressing themselves through it, like all of you here, and different course authors, and books like Alan Watts and Michael Price and Michael Quick. That last is fiction, but it also works, If you saw Silver Linings Playbook and liked it, you will feel what I am trying to say.
So party on, my friends, and look forward to hearing from all of you.
Love
anil
Lesson 96
Salvation comes from my one Self.
So on April 6th, thhe Course is my foundation, and on April 9th, I don’t know anymore.
Vacillation is the hallmark of my(the?) ego. Always, bobbing and weaving, waffling, never sure, the house upon the sand, that can get washed out to sea.
God, I hate my ego.
And hah, played right into the experience of feeling hatred. The experience of God now far away from my mind.
It’s a good thing I am reminded I can choose again, and again, 100,000 times a day, too much vigilance required, too much attention, much easier to let mind wander, until the next pain point, then thoughts of forgiveness?, of something to alleviate the pain come surfacing up, and the choice waits to be chosen again.
Crazy !
Anil – mail to at your verizon-account:)
Thanks, Nina, have read it. Low energy today. Too little sleep last night, and too much work today. I must rest easy and not jiudge myself a failure…on many fronts.
It must be a day of acceptance for me….
Will write you back on your email some other day.
Love,
Anil
Hey Anil,
This planet is challenging on a good day. So ya, add a poor nights sleep and a huge workload and sometimes the day seems done before it even starts.
Carry On my friend.
Last week or so I met up with a friend for lunch. I mentioned how I felt like I was just spinning. She said she envisioned the movie “Gravity” and that scene where Sandra Bullock just can’t stop the spin as she floats untethered into nothingness.
…I guess we long for gravity and all things heavy to keep us grounded (:
Anyhow, I answered yes, that that’s a good description. At the end of the meal she commented that she doesn’t see me as spinning. It was a comforting comment yet I was curious at her remark. Which then had me envisioning the eye of a Hurricane and even though it seemed that my inner world was spinning it was really just me observing the spin. I actually was in a peaceful place just watching. And for a moment I had a glimpse and realization that maybe I’m beginning to understand this Course …it last all of a milli-second.
This of course after I felt I needed a break from the lessons…how gentle J is in helping us understand we just need to Carry On.
Keeping the Faith,
Annie
True, Annie.
Am getting overwhelmed with the pace of the Lessons too. Am almost at the point where I want to stop. But perhaps I’ll give it one more shot today.
The birds are chirping in the pre7am Singapore. Oh wow, guess it is light now. (I just turned around to look out the window). The CarryOn theme has been playing here for a while too.
CarryOn, and when you’re tired, rest.
And then when you feel more energetic, get up and walk again.
This is what I’ve been doing, I think I am out of the desert. But things are still pretty barren. Nothing really makes sense anymore. When I am with my son, I can lose myself in his world. And some time passes without any feeling of heaviness.
Then I leave him for the night, and its the Separation all over again, feeling homeless all over again, on a good night, ego dreams of things to do, and calls to make dull the edge of the knife, and on a bad night, misery to look forward to.
Thoughts of forgiveness would be pretty good, if they came. If I could really feel like this is a dream. Those moments, and days have happened in the past, but they were when things were going well. The dreamlike nature of a paradise experience.
Hell doesn’t seem like a dream though. More like a dreary at best, and tortured at worst kind of never-ending experience. The nightmare that never finishes.
The world is neither good nor bad, I am told. Just the outward projection of my inner experience. Yes, that’s true it seems to me. Wish I could be reminded of that when it seems particularly hellish. Guess I will have to remind myself of it.
That is in effect, the practice of forgiveness I have to do. Until it becomes second nature to me. Like breathing in and breathing out.
Was nice to read your writing, Annie. May you, and all of us, be in the center of the hurricane, and may the hurricane eventually disappear, extending the center everywhere.
Anil
A little after I wrote this post prior, I was thinking of writing another one on whether I wanted to be right or to be happy ?
And my sister called from Dallas, and I had once mentioned that unique Course thought…..”Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy ?” To her, back in 2007, maybe early 2008.
And three years later, (or more), she told me she had been thinking about that question a lot on one of our random calls. (We speak very seldom, perhaps a few times a year ? Unless I am in the U.S)
The power of right-minded thoughts I guess has a deep impact.
And she is not a Course student by any means….and still the question resonated,
Amazing..
Truth does resonate.
And I love when validation comes from the unexpected.
We have no idea the impact of our little willingness.
It’s encouraging.
Those are the lines that hook one in.
Then the gloves come off and the truth can be presented in the light of day…
and its not for the faint of heart.
I say I want to hear and I want to know-
So the truth be told…
You are wrong about everything.
You think pain is joy.
We are too far into Big Blue to turn back…
We now need to rewire this mess.
No worries J is a great electrician.
I do what with the blue wire?
Do Not Attempt to Rewire Yourself!!!!
You don’t know What the #$@* you are doing.
Have a Nice Day (:
That is true. It looks like we are too far into the Blue book. Too hard to turn back. Even if the stomach keeps burning with the acid building up. (=
I do wish I could have God control every part of me, my lips, my tongue, my hands, my feet. I am happy to be Gods puppet. At least I imagine that I am !
But all I am is an ego puppet. Whining and moaning my way though these pages. (=
Enough with the baby business, eh ? (=
Good night folks. I seem to have discovered my enthusiasm for the Lessons again. Hope it lasts till tomorrow.
Gods will for me is perfect happiness. This I can believe.
Can I allow myself to experience Gods will ?
I hope so.
Anil, you are NOT an ego-puppet – you are the dreamer of ego-puppets. And we can ask H.S to make new choices for us, as soon as we have discovered we have fallen back into the sameolfamiliar pattern again.Just being a puppet-victim is what the ego wants you to believe – no power. But we are making this whole awesome dream – that’s power – and when we find we don’t like it, we forgive ourselves and choose again
Anil, Please visit your email – my answer will help you ground and stabilize.
Much love
Dearest Nina,
You may remember how I described my reaction to your suggestion I go check email a few days ago (:
This time, I went pronto (:, and I was smiling ( and am smiling now) (:
You are so right, your answer did stabilize and ground. Think your answer must have been received by me in my mind while asleep, because when I awoke a few minutes ago (usually the hardest part of my morning), I was already in a good mood.
And your email made even more stable. I will certainly write back with with the Course of action in it. You are an amazing therapist, and a wonderful Teacher of God !
I will end now, more in your private email later this weekend, I will finish setting the intention for the Lesson of the Day today and then go to play with my son, two floors above me in the old apartment I used to share with him just a few months ago.
It’s interesting that I can say this now with no attendant pain, just.a calm acceptance of things the way they are now, no ego storks, no drama, no worries about where we (he and I) will end up, and no regrets for what happened.
A perfectly clear place to end this message ! (=
Love,
Anil
Love it!
And much of this will be helpful for others future clients if you put it in the testimonial:) Oh, the 2 last sentences!!!mmm thank you so much
So pumpkins – the same offer goes to all Villagers – free session in change for a testimonial of how the experience was useful and lifechanging. We use SKype, or you call me.
xxx
Nina
{{Hugs to our Katrina}}
*allow this one correction to be placed within your mind each asking hour today***
I don’t know what it is, but this sentence really feels so good to me, it is so kind, it is so something beyond words for me. It gives me the courage, the desire, the means, th everything, to be able to want to do this Course…
Just…allow this one correction to be placed within my mind each waking hour today…
Th correction of the false belief that God is fear.
For God being Love is all there is.
I will go get some lunch with that pleasant thought.
Love you all,
Anil
Ps. Am getting less OCD these days. My earlier message perhaps should have been here, and this one by the Village square instead.
But it’s all perfect (=
Toots,
Bernard, difficult to lose the image of a hundred pinpricks in your eyes. Hugs to you, bro, and trust you are getting better already !
Love,
Anil
Ps. Am at a very interesting point in time, right now ! (=
I have nothing to say (=
And yet I have much to say (=
Poised above the world of my iPad mini, contemplating whether or not to keep writing (=
Hmmmm……
It’s all Good !
Thanks everyone for your well-wishes. The eye seems to be getting better (Monday morning). Katrina, I hope you’re feeling better, dear. It’s going to take a little time for all those muscles and tendons to come back together properly, but I guess that’s why we created eternity! It’s all on the mend, all of it.
Nina and Anil, I’m so glad you’ve been able to connect. It sounds like your healing work together has been really good. Keep that pecker up, my good Anil, and keep listening to Nina. She’s right, you’re not an ego puppet, but Charlie-the-Chooser!
Anil, you wrote “more in your private email later this weekend” – I did not receive any?
Not yet written, Nina. I wrote the message here first. Thought I would get to the email response later. Never did. Old habits die hard.
Will try again later this week to get back on email,
I hate email right now (=
Just wiped out,
One of those days,
Time to get to bed,
Ciao.
Anil
Hi again, Nina.
Apologies for the brevity of the message last night. I was wiped out. Just woke up, early morning meetings today. Another busy day ahead.
Mind runs amok at certain times periods of my life. Very, very difficult to tame on those occasions, only way out seems to be to repeat a course lesson or thought *every* second. I mean that literally, *every second of every minute.
And we all know that is almost impossible. Even if I could ignore all my daily responsibilities, and take the day off, I don’t think I could sit still for more than an hour or two.
The course is working its way through me. Just happens to be a particularly challenging 24 hours, or whatever. Yes, time is indeed an illusion, but unless I repeat it to myself every single second between now and when the bad patch ends, it will only provide momentary relief.
It is going deeper. I can feel it. But I apologize it is not making its way into the words. Like when I said ego-puppet, I was actually laughing. But I thnk both you and Bernard thought I was serious.
Guess my sense of humor doesn’t translate well to the written word (=
Will definitely write you back to the email. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Inave put many things ahead of God. Like my son, and I must get ready now to take him to school. More later. Am not sure exactly when because of where I am currently. But certainly as soon as I can.
Love,
Anil
And the third in the trilogy of messages to Nina,
Nina, dear friend, have sent you the write up of our session to your email just now. Tuesday morning for you. Two days late. Not too bad for a “commitment” that I blocked from my concious mind when in the deep meditative state that Nina was able to heal me into. shobha would have been impressed with that impressive turadound time. (if she cared)
Actually, on second thoughts, perhaps not. She likes to have things when she likes to have them ! (=
Cheers, all.
Anil
Ps. Thank God that is the FireSide and I need not worry about being Coursey enough ! (=
Annie, that would be a great way to keep the hourly Vigil. Y’day I don’t think I remembered except once. And like Katrina and Tex have said, that once was beneficial enough. It came at a time when I least expected it, the memory of the days Lesson, I mean, but it also came at a time when I most needed it.
The same thing happened the day before I think. My resistance that ’caused’ me to forget the commitment to Nina in session, is also showing up now. It wants to bury the memory of those beautiful moments in two tough days.
Because it is proof to me that the Course works. It can lighten up the most unexpected moment, merely because the mind has been systematically trained to practice right minded thoughts. And that fledgling ability is still tender, but that’s OK, it’s there.
In the midst of the most violent storm, if a Corse thought can bring me peace right away, without even my remembering it, then the Course is indeed working its way deep in my mind. What’s not to Love about that ? (=
Yesterday was our 6th counseling session for my domestic troubles. wowzer ! (=
What a session. I was quite sure at the end of it she would not want any more. Then Caroline asked as she was making the receipt for the payment whether we wanted another session.
My other half was sitting on the Couch behind me, ( one of the subtle signs among others she’s made all week per-session that she’s indifferent on whether to move forwards with sessions ).
I turned around and asked her whether she wanted another session. She asked me. I said yes, I do. She said yes too. It was not very convincing.
I asked again, simply, with no emotion in my voice. I want it, but what do you really want ? Not because I am saying yes, but what you want.
She paused. Small intake of breath. Confusion flickers across her face. She says Yes.
Now we move onto scheduling. And that was that. (Apr 25th, if you’d like to know that detail (:
I created this world. And I chose to ask her to marry me, not sure what she would say, thinking I would be crushed f she said No, but knowing zi had to ask, because zi didn’t want to be 80 and wonder what might have happened to my life if I had not summoned up the courage to ask her that year that I met her….2007.
And to think that all that remains of those moments is a counseling session once a week, sometimes once in to weeks, and a little bundle of energy that receives and gives us love each day, my little boy.
That is all that remains.
But that is enough.
And now the work of rebuilding a path, singly or jointly, but as parents of this little boy is what lies in store. I think it is high time I remind myself of how I have made so many other idols in place of God.
That I can talk the talk, but can I walk the walk ? Every day ? I know I cannot do it every moment. It would be foolish for me to take on that goal in time, long hours will pass and I will forget entirely my purpose here.
But with a little bit of luck and a little bit of practice, I should be able to remember and walk the walk, at least for a little part of each day.
That would be enough for now,
Amen.
Anil, your comment is beautifully said, beautifully crafted, lovely thoughts. It sounds like you’re managing to stay the quiet observer, even in the turmoil. That is certainly healing for everyone. Even when the words turn against you, or your words turn against someone else, just try to stay the quiet observer of the theatrical performance. There is a peaceful backseat always available.
Annie, that’s a lovely song, very peaceful.
Katrina, how’re you feeling?
Tex, great stuff, that fleeting moment!
Nina, sounds like you’ve done some great work.
Hedda and Michele, all my love, big hugs.
How touching your post was, Anil – and that moment when she was given the choice so very freely from you – no agenda, just lovingly asking – oh that makes me shiver. beauty beauty truth
🙂 I am noticing that all the posts I have been posting lately to Anil, I have had to print just a ONE
Anil,
Parenthood is one of life’s greatest challenges.
Nothing on this planet can get us out of ourselves faster and at the same time
expose our hidden agendas.
It sounds like you for the time being are more invested in keeping the marriage intact.
However, the fact that Shobha was on the couch at all shows a little willingness.
And after a wowser session…its hard to sign up and do it all again.
I feel for you both.
However it plays out, like you said singly or jointly Lucas will learn so much about love and kindness thru you both. And that is a Sacred Assignment.
God first then all things will be in order.
And as Papa Lawrence would say:
God Bless Us Everyone
Bernard, Nina.. Glad you enjoyed the sentiments of that post. I almost didn’t write it, but as I was writing something kept me going. In the end, it was one of those instances of writing myself through to clarity. Precious moments go unnoticed so often under the harsh screeching of the Ego.
Annie, I am not sure what I want with respect with the marriage. part of me strives to keep it together, part of me wants to call it quits, it is too hard, the wheels of separation have split us too far asunder perhaps.
It is easy for me to conclude that Ego wants me split up, and HS keep us together, but I don’t think it’s quite that straightforward. There’s something I can’t quite put my finger on, but it does seem like Ego telling me sometimes to work to keep it together, an sometimes telling me to call it quits.
The Quiet answer seems to e somewhere else. And I am not able to see the answer there yet, unambiguously, like an open door that I just walk through without a second thought (=
It will come sometime, in its own time, while Eternity merely smiles at my shenanigans (=
Take care, my friends, and thanks for being here. I hope I am available to you in at least some small measure when you need me, for you have all been most loyal companions indeed.
For that my eternal gratitude.
God Bless us Everyone.
Hmm, another morning at the FireSide.
My thought for this morning is to contemplate how it is that from the moments my eyes open each morning, I am driven by guilt in every action that I think I must do. It is incredible when I stop to think about it, how pervasive guilt is in my thinking. It’s tentacles through every thought in the morass I call my ‘normal’ mind.
Now the right mind, that’s another thing altogether, apparently. (=
Pay no heed, my friends, it is just I talking to myself. Like many a madman you may have seen ! (=
Can I also wonder while on the subject, on which planet Apple software engineers were born. How the IPad can convert the I into Zi is completely beyond my understanding….
Much like the rest of this illusion (=
happy Weekend to all.
Anil
Hi Zanil – could you take a quick peek into your mail again?:):)
Sure, Nina, but most likely not today.
Been running around doing stuff all day for everyone, need some down time to just be, and chill out and do nothing….my favorite past time (=
Ciao for now,
A
Hi again, Nina, just got done another phone call, should I say aargh ? (=
(work call!)
But as I was putting my clothes in for a wash, the thought struck me, what prevents me from logging onto email, and the answer came….I need some “word-free” time, just with blank mind, no processing of anything but my own breathing.!! (=
Hope that’s Ok, chat soon,
A
Of course! enjoy:)
warm hug
Nina
Thanks, Nina.
I just don’t feel like writing anymore these last few days. But Annie’s comment about her panic attack is nudging me to write in… They are wierd aren’t they, Annie ? I remember the first time I had one, it was completely bizarre !
Now I routinely go about my business in the world as if nothing is happening, while racked by constant panic and guilt for ten, fifteen minutes at a time. I guess I have got accustomed to the bizarreness pf a panic attack.
Althought today, the panic and guilt had me frozen, paralyzed, depressed, whatever for almost three hours right in the middle of a day when I should have got a lot of stuff done.
Difficult to focus on I am as God created me when I feel so wretched and foul, that if anyone really discovered who I was on the inside i feel they would be recoil as if from a poisonous snake, when I feel that if the truth about me were revealed to me, I would be struck with horror so intense that I would rush to death by my own hand, living on after seeing this being impossible.
And yet the good book says I am as God created me. And light and beauty and peace abide in me.
Wow.
What a trip ! (=
Dear Anil,
this may very well be related to our session you know – I have been nudged to write about it in the last mail to you. Ego will do its darnest to stop you from looking at anything that can help brush away the identification with fear. I trust that that email will be helpful.
Good to know that you know it IS a trip – you are just pushing Love away, and that creates FEAR
MUCH MUCH LOVE –
Hello Anil and its true we are all together on this journey without distance, “trip”.
There is comfort in knowing that certain physical responses can erupt and life does go on.
If having these panic attacks is an indication that I am into some mental spring cleaning then I accept them. And I thank you Anil for responding to your inner prompting and offering some validation that I am not alone-even though I am (:
Who could else could understand this verb-age but another Course Student?
Hope today brings us all a step closer to the peace we asking for.
Carry On my Friends
I know this is the Fireside – I brought Big Blue with me for a follow up on my previous post…but before I go on I’ll have a Stella Artois please Mr. Bartender. (:
Chapter 20 THE VISION OF HOLINESS
10. What has no meaning cannot be perceived. And meaning always looks within to find itself, and then looks out. All meaning that you give the world outside must thus reflect the sight you saw within; or better, if you saw at all or merely judged against. Vision is the means by which the Holy spirit translates your nightmares into happy dreams; your wild hallucinations that show you all the fearful outcomes of imagined sin into the calm and reassuring sights with which He would replace them. these gentle sights and sounds are looked on happily, and heard with joy. They are his substitutes for all the terrifying sights and screaming sounds the ego’s purpose brought to your horrified awareness. They step away from sin, reminding you that it is not reality which frightens you, and errors which you made can be corrected.
11. When you have looked on what seemed terrifying, and seen it change to sights of loveliness and peace; when you have looked on scenes of violence and death, and watched them change to quiet views of gardens under open skies, with clear, life-giving water running happily beside them in dancing brooks that never waste away; who need persuade you to accept the gift of vision? and after vision, who is there who could refuse what must come after? Think but an instant just on this; you can behold the holiness God gave His Son. And never need you think that there is something else for you to see.
*Sigh*
I don’t see the dancing brooks yet but I want to (maybe another Stella will help)
Nina’s post #992 – a reminder that it is us pushing Love away…
the reminder to own it is so important
and to answer Tex’s response on what comes next (after the lessons/after vision) “who could refuse what must come after?”
Oh the dance of resistance …we know it so well
I’m seeing us all up on the dance floor…
line dancing…
moving as One
Then out of left field or maybe I should say “right” field there is a whirling dervish – can I spin like the sufi’s of Rumi’s time?
As always it is not the form but the content…
my function is to forgive and do my best today
I am grateful for another day
Cheers
Dear Annie, I want to tell you many things (I think), but let me acknowledge the kind Mayors beautiful birthday greeting he sent me a mere couple of days ago…I would be remiss in not responding while the month still happens to be my *birth* ((= month (=..
Good sire, kind Mayor, it is very sweet of you to try to rush out my birthday greeting in time for the 26th, and I saw it a few hours later in the wee hours of the Aingapore pre-morning sky, so ’twas good timing indeed.
Your message brought me the peace of mind you intended me to see, and it was a good start to my 46th year, this year I will finally know whether I am ready to accept my ‘idle-age, over the hill status or not (=….. But that’s a whole different story. For long I have wanted to be 75 with my grandshildeen playing near my rocker, but I suspect that is a vieled form of the Attraction of Death, which most of us likely remember as the Third major obstacle to peace, but that’s again another story…
And so the storie keep spinning (= with no brevity in sight (I’m thinking of your police, Pam (=….
And all this to say, thank you, dear brother, dear kind Mayor.
And now, dear Annie, with all that writing I think I am spent. (=
My quota of writing for the day over ! (=
I’m working on my first book, its slow progress, I started it in my private blog about a year ago, I’m trying to work up to 600 words a day, though no Graham Greene am I (=, all good things need discipline apparently, dang ! (=
What I had originally alluded to at th beginning was your prior comment about not feeling alone, but feeling alone, and I had thought I had some thoughts I wanted to contribute in that department ! (=
perhaps I’ll just sit here with you and crack open a Stella…what ? You didn’t know one could have beer in the morning.? (=
..that’s how I start my good days (=
Have done it about three or four times in my life so far, and all three or four days were most excellent days ! (= and lest you worry…..they were not three or four days in a row. The first was in 2001, or maybe 2000. Then one more that same year or a year later either 01 or 02, then one day in 04 or 05,and now today 2014…
Wow, can I ramble, and zi haven’t even cracked open that Stella yet…! (=
Well, Annie, I don’t have to worry with you, you have seen me ramble on in person, not once, but twice, so I am sure you can deal with it, whether you like it or not, is another matter altogether ! (=
What I wanted to say, was that I hear you when you say you are not alone, but alone (=
Re: quote from your earlier post preceding this one)
And this is the heart of the problem I think….because I have that same problem, when we feel loved, and are loving, then we are connected and that feels great. But when the disconnection happens, and the ego switches us out into its solitary land, then its very difficult to feel that connection again.
And of course that connection does come back, maybe a day later, or an hour later, or a week, or month later, but that non-existent gap feels like a bloody long time indeed, no matter it be a month or a minute.
And damned if I know what brings that connection back, but Ta starting to feel to me like that ok Michael Jordan saying, the harder I practice, the luckier I get ! (=
Darn, I hate the discipline of constant practice, and its nearing the 8 am hour, and I must return to my hourly chant for the day ! (=
Love ya (all),
Anil
Anil-Excellent ramble my friend!
I had a busy weekend and missed posting. But lots of good messages coming thru and so good to see you Lawrence and Hedda Leni! It’s been a while since we celebrated a Birthday and that is always fun – so yes, we will keep it going till the end of this month (:
Woke up a bit late and will have to read my lessons later. I found that I have a terrible memory and have to write down my lessons for the day and even if I’ve been good (every hour / half hour) I still can’t recite them by memory by bedtime!!!! I find that unsettling. So I have a default prayer when I leave my cheat notes behind and just pray “Thy Will Be Done”. Could my resistance be that strong? Obviously so.
One note before I run off …I love that you mentioned Graham Greene. My first time hearing his name was in reference to Padre Pio. It was said that he was to interview the Franciscan Friar – he waited an entire year for this appointment. Prior to their meeting he attended the Mass that Padre Pio was serving and after the service he left the Monastery without interviewing the priest. When asked why he did so, he answered that he knew he would not be the same man after meeting him and that he was not prepared to change his life at this time.
I found that statement so beautifully honest.
To be so clear that we have such resistance is to know oneself in the most beautiful way.
Graham Greene lesson to me in that statement was – it’s loving to know where our boundaries are. And Kindness will have me wait.
This morning as I opened my computer and watched the homepage populate – I dismissed the headline stories and click on Craig Ferguson announcing his retirement from Late Late Night.
I looked right past the ‘dozen dead by twister’ headline and immediately needed to understand why Craig was leaving his show! Even as I’m clicking to read about his announcement I silence the voice that is questioning my priorities?
So before my coffee is ready – a new day of judgements begins.
This is bad.
This is sad.
That is wrong.
Why didn’t I wash these dishes last night?
Gee…I don’t sound like – “God’s peace and joy are mine” (:
Note to self…lighten up!
No serious Course Study today!
Todays a freebe…..I’m gonna sign up for Craig Ferguson tickets.
Forget Temecula Tex…come to L.A. and lets go see a show (:
Yesterday, I read this:
When you find yourself in the darkness, just remember that YOU ARE THE LIGHT
Oh – that is crystal clear – I AM the light – I carry it with me wherever I go
and it has a tremendous effect on my “ego-identity” – When I find mySELF in the darkness, this SELF is NOT the darkness – and “I” can not be invaded by it – I can be present as SELF/LIGHT, and swoop – no resistance
And just for the fun of it – this is nr 1001-post – time for a new page?
love to all!
Nina – soon nightynight
Wow, another 1000 comments, already?? You are sooo prolific. Funny that we’re already on Fireside IV, and only fewer versions of the other pages. 🙂 Makes me think that ‘not taking things too seriously’ seems to be the watchword of our community. A good policy, by all standards.
Hmmm. Am I reading a different fireside. I’m seeing this post of mine as 1000. (= lucky me ! (=
And Bernard bro, the first three firesides took less than three years. This one took more than one year. So we’ re actually turning less fireside-ish and mor village squarish ! (=
And we’ve made through 1/3 of the good book already. April 30th for me here in Kolkata, city of my childhood and teenage years (=
Greetings from this land ! (=
Ps. Annie, I like Criag (I think) (=….. Have fun at the show…