Village Square I
In our AcimVillage, we have the plane tree that stands in the central village square. Its enormous branches spread out to cover an area wide enough to provide shade on a warm day for many a traveller or tradesman. Water bubbles and trickles from a stone fountain on the eastern side. It is under the plane tree and by the fountain that wandering monks and sages have traditionally lead conversation with the local people, before setting off again on their way; it is here that the townspeople come to exchange views and thoughts on their beloved spiritual philosophy, learning from each other in kindness and wisdom.
Rules to ponder…
Study of A Course In Miracles benefits greatly from sharing our experiences in its practice. Here you can talk about what works, or doesn’t, for you, taking obvious care not to be ‘preachy’, please. We all learn best when someone talks from their own experience, rather than tries to tell us what we should be doing differently. Let’s take the position that none of us are teachers, we are all at the same point returning on the path Homeward. All of us will still be making mistakes for a while yet, so let’s be particularly humble and caring in how we deal with each other. Please keep in mind that this is a site dedicated to the approach Kenneth Wapnick takes to teaching ACIM. I shall certainly do my best to bring everyone back to the core principles as taught by him.
I would also like to point out that AcimVillage is the place to come to explore our judgments, but not to express them as judgments. If you feel you need to gripe, criticize and vent, even subtly, then contact me privately (at bernard@pauloandthemagician.com) where I will receive you with kindness and understanding. Please do not do so in the forums where I will inevitably moderate out this kind of post. Remember, you will feel better only when you are able to move past the investment in your judgments, not simply by unloading them for everyone to see. This means taking responsibility for your perceptions and acknowledging that ultimately no one has prevented you from feeling completely peaceful and safe, despite what might appear to be the unfortunate conditions of your life at this time. (I know, this is hard. Contact me if you’re struggling.)
So, two basic rules here. One, we avoid mention of other approaches to the study of ACIM (non-Wapnickian) as well as to other philosophies we might be studying. This is purely to achieve a stable, comfortable learning forum where we are all aiming at the same goal, using the same symbols and language to get there. This is not to cast any judgment on any other approaches or philosophies. ACIM is a sufficiently difficult path to undertake without bringing more confusion into our study than our minds already contain! If you have benefited from other paths and would like to share your thoughts, by all means do so. Just please do this in the privacy of your personal emails. It’s also my personal opinion (take it or leave it) that at some point a student of ACIM is much better off sticking with one set of symbols and one teacher, and working with these thoroughly, instead of getting too dispersed. Rule two, we try not to play ‘teacher’ with each other here, reminding ourselves to be humble and always equal with our brother.
Enjoy the discussion!
New Horizons
As of September, 2010, I’m proposing a direction for our study of the Course, which is to work together through Ken’s workshop The Meaning of Judgment. We’ll be using his transcript notes for this taken from the Foundation’s website (see link in the tool bar at the top of the page). Below you’ll find the notes for the section we’re currently working on. For previous sections, click on the ‘ACIM’ tab on the navigation bar, and then hover your mouse over the ‘Meaning of Judgment’ tab to choose the relevant section. I chose this particular workshop because it gets immediately into the real heart and practice of the Course while taking us through its basic principles at the same time. So, for those interested in finding out where the ‘rubber hits the road’, even though it might get a little confronting at times, then join us on this little adventure Homewards!
The Meaning of Judgment
Excerpts from the Workshop held at the
Academy & Retreat Center of the Foundation for A Course in Miracles
PART III
“THE FORGIVING DREAM” (T-29.IX), cont.
(3:1) All figures in the dream are idols, made to save you from the dream.
1. Everything we perceive and believe is outside us is part of the dream. These are the idols, and their purpose is to make the outside dream real to protect us from the dream within our minds, which we do not want to look at. Course students compromise this over and over again by trying in whatever way they can to make some aspect of the external dream reality. That is why many students place such great emphasis on seeing Jesus or the Holy Spirit as doing things for them in the world. That is a subtle way of making Them part of the illusion, whereas in the Course Jesus asks us to take the illusion to the truth, not to bring the truth to the illusion. We have a strong investment in making the outside dream real, because if it is real outside, we do not have to look at the dream within our minds. What better way to make it seem real than to have God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit operate in it?
2. That is why it is a mistake to confuse A Course in Miracles with New Age thought systems. The Course in no way compromises the truth that the entire physical universe is an illusion. But we want to make the figures in the dream reality, including the Holy Spirit and Jesus so we are protected from the underlying dream inside our minds.
(3:2) Yet they [all of these idols] are part of what they have been made to save you from.
3. These idols were made to save us from the idol we made within our own minds (the ego thought system) that says, “I have stolen from God and I now exist. I have what I have stolen. I no longer have to give it back, and I exist on my own. And now God exists outside me.” The ego begins with that initial thought of judgment, which is the beginning of the dream. It then becomes a full-blown dream within our minds that we are different from God, that we have stolen from God and sinned against Him. And our guilt over this now tells us God will punish us. This is the terrifying dream within our own minds. It is so terrifying that we do not look at it, but project it so that it now seems to be outside us. And anything that roots us further in the dream outside will nicely serve the ego’s purpose, even if it goes under the name of God, which is what religions have done for centuries. It is extremely tempting for people to do the same thing with A Course in Miracles — to bring part of the truth into the illusion, making the illusion real. If you do that, you will never get out of the dream, because you will not know it is only a dream.
(3:3) Thus does an idol keep the dream alive and terrible, for who could wish for one unless he were in terror and despair?
4. The “you” Jesus is referring to in these passages is the mind, the part of the mind that chooses — what I refer to as the decision maker. It is the part of our minds that has first identified with the ego thought system. It is a thought system of terror and despair that tells us we need to protect ourselves from the terror and despair by denying it, which means we would never look at it again. And then we project it and see it outside ourselves. That is why we need a world of specific people and specific objects. We project all of these thoughts of sin, guilt, and judgment so they are no longer seen within, but outside. As long as we believe in the reality of the idol, we will never know that the idol really rests within our own minds.
(3:4) And this the idol [anything in the world outside of us] represents, and so its worship is the worship of despair and terror, and the dream from which they come.
5. This is true for the idols of specialness we think are wonderful and make us happy as well as the idols of specialness we hate. Earlier in the text, in “The Obstacles To Peace” (T-19.IV), Jesus speaks about this in another form: “While you believe that it [the body] can give you pleasure, you will also believe that it can bring you pain” (T-19.IV-A.17:11). Pleasure and pain are opposite sides of the same illusion. Both of them make the body real because both say there is something outside us that can make us either happy or unhappy and bring us pain. The truth is that the only thing that can bring us happiness is choosing the Love of the Holy Spirit. The only thing that can bring us pain is choosing the ego. That is all. There is nothing else.
6. The lines here represent the same idea. That is why we become so invested in the world. It is easy to fall into this trap, even as a student of a course that teaches that there is no world, for we still believe that external behaviors somehow mean something. They mean nothing in and of themselves. Their meaning lies only in what meaning we give them. What is important is never anything external — not what bodies do or do not do — but our internal decision to choose either the ego and separation, or Jesus and joining. Once we focus our attention outside and believe what we do is important, helpful, healing, or loving, we are getting caught in specialness, worshipping the idol of specialness. We will think that we are serving a function of healing or love, but it really is an idol of despair and terror.
7. In worshipping the idols of specialness outside, we are worshipping not only terror, despair, and guilt, but the whole dream, of which terror, despair, and guilt are only components. We are worshipping the dream that we have what we have stolen from God and will never give it back, for now we exist as individuals on our own. We love terror, despair, and guilt, or we would not feel them all the time. We love them because they make real the thought of separation — the thought of the original judgment against God — which makes real our separate existence from God. That is why we have such a tremendous investment in our self-importance, in being a unique individual — it establishes that the dream is real. The state of terror or despair in our minds says the dream is real; the guilt and the sin are both real.
(3:5) Judgment is an injustice to God’s Son, and it is justice that who judges him will not escape the penalty he laid upon himself within the dream he made.
8. It is important to realize that the entire thought system of the ego is real within itself. It is not reality, but within the dream itself it is all very real. When we sleep at night and dream, we will experience the dream as very real. This entire world is a dream. As Jesus explains elsewhere (e.g., T-18.II.7-14), there is no difference between what we call our sleeping dreams and what he refers to as our waking dreams, such as we are experiencing right now. They are all the same — just different expressions of the thoughts within our minds. Within the ego dream, the fear of punishment is very real. Within that dream, our fear of experiencing harm — physical or emotional — is very real. We are not asked, as students of A Course in Miracles, to deny what our experiences are. We are asked, however, not to make these experiences reality. There is a crucial difference between those two approaches.
9. In other words, we all experience fear, and we believe our fear is due to something external to us that can impinge upon us. The ego interprets this as the wrath of God visited upon us — that is our experience. We may not consciously experience it as God’s wrath, but we certainly do experience fear as caused by something external to us. Remember, our own bodies are just as external to our minds as everyone else’s body is. But that does not make it reality. That is where the Christian Churches were mistaken; they took their experience of fear and wrote a theology about it. They said this is the reality of God: God sees our sin as real and has a plan to help us atone for it, basically a plan of murder. The plan then becomes one of suffering and sacrifice. If we believe we are sacrificing so God won’t be angry at us, then we will feel good about sacrificing. But that does not make it reality. Our experience is that the sun rises and sets but that does not make it reality. In reality, it is the earth rotating on its own axis that makes it appear as if the sun moves around the earth. And in fact, it is the earth that moves around the sun. Similarly, people may experience the Holy Spirit or Jesus doing things for them in the world, but that does not mean that they really are. Don’t confuse your experience with reality. The ego always interprets our experiences in order to construct a theology that serves its purposes, which of course is why we have the experience in the first place. Within our dream, whenever we make a judgment we are asserting that we are different from God; we have separated from Him, sinned against Him, and have stolen from Him. Our guilt over that will then demand that we not escape the penalty of God’s anger. This whole world, which is a world of change and death, then stands as the witness to the fact that what the ego has taught us is true. If our existence, which we call life, was ultimately stolen from God, then when God steals back the life we stole from Him we will be without life, which means we will be dead. That is the ego’s interpretation of our death.
(3:6) God knows of justice, not of penalty.
10. God’s justice of course has nothing to do with justice as we think of it. God’s justice states that nothing happened. If nothing happened, there is no guilt and no punishment. (3:7) But in the dream of judgment you attack and are condemned; and wish to be the slave of idols, which are interposed between your judgment and the penalty it brings. But we are not condemned by God. We are condemned by the projection of our own guilt, which makes up a God Who is angry. We then deny the whole dynamic and make up a world in which we are continually condemning and judging others, while believing they condemned and judged us first. But our judgment is within our minds; that is our guilt. We project it out and make up a world of idols that will punish us; and we actually think there is a world out there that affects us. This is all part of the dream, which seems very real from within the dream.
Many thanks to Pam, Claudia, Nina, Bev and Lisi, and for very brief instants – Michele! It was a bit of a chaotic meeting, in between the static and communication interruptions, but it was nice and fun, and we got some good thoughts in, too. I was not quite as focused as I could have been, in between the incident I mentioned to you and managing the communication difficulties, but I think we got some good work done anyway.
I think I’m going to have to ask you all for forgiveness because I really don’t think I have it in me to write up the notes from this last session. I was pretty distracted with one thing and another and just didn’t note down any points. I’m only just getting around to doing it now and no particular points are coming up. I think I’ll leave it to all of you. But we can also just appreciate that we read through the highlighted text together (available for everyone at the top of the Village Square) and shared time doing two very nice meditations, and that was really quite enough. Don’t you think?
There is one point that I do remember however…
It’s important to learn to recognize our judgments, but it’s also important to recognize why we judge, and that’s to keep our individual identity in place. In other words, our judging, as Ken always says, is purposeful. Our judging wants to keep the real source of the problem well away from all conscious awareness.
This thought comes to mind particularly because this evening I have been working through Jamie’s last class (Baking a forgiveness cake), and he specifically talks about how to forgive ourselves for our judging. He was saying that first we must obviously recognize when we’re judging, but then to really get to the heart of forgiveness (to pull the weed out by the roots, as he says), we need to add to ourselves, “And I LIKE my judgments, and I like feeling that this guy is the problem, etc., and I don’t want Jesus to come over here.” This is really important. Lots of people say, “Yeah, I forgive myself for judging.” But really deep forgiveness is saying “And I LIKE it.” All this is just learning to expose all the unforgiveness. Then the forgiveness is looking at all the unforgiveness with the eyes of Jesus i.e. not with the eyes of judgment, not judging our judging, not calling ourselves sinful, but looking at it with the eyes of compassion and understanding. (Yay, Jamie)
Dearest Bernard, have a mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream, I have mixed in a little cardamon. I feel relieved that you have not made notes – its great to read them, but personally, i wonder if you maybe think you owe it to us since this is your site, and you really do not owe anybody A N Y T H I N G
Also, I personally liked our last group a lot, I likes your leading it exactly the way you did – you are KIND, B, it comes through, none of us want you to be perfect, whatever that would be like. {{{Bernard}}} please dont expect so much of yourself, it shows, it makes me feel i must “help” and there is no reason to really
I would appreciate much more if you shared your concerns with us – what has come up for you lately – we really are here for you, no expectations.
More chocolate dear? and i see you are wearing the rainbow-colored socks I knitted for you a year or so ago, very nice, keeping feet warm is important
Bernard, Notes happen ….. or they don’t. I am still amazed that I get to talk with people from around the world to begin with, let alone for free, and with like mindedness to boot! YEAH!
I found something much better than any notes I could write up! Lisi suggested I contact Susan Dugan (Foraysinforgiveness.com) with respect to posting at the Village the recent interview she conducted with Ken. She just agreed, so here it is. A heartfelt thanks goes to Susan for her wonderful work (check out her site) and generosity.
Article:
In the following conversation, Ken Wapnick generously answers my questions about the daily practice of forgiveness, the fear and resistance that arises on our journey home, and how to keep our faith and focus on being kind, gentle, and patient with ourselves and other Course students while learning to 🙂 with our inner teacher at all we still use to push love away.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I recently found myself in a lot of fear around this Course; feeling stuck and judging myself for it. You told me to remember not to take it seriously. How can we be serious about practicing forgiveness day-to-day while simultaneously not taking it seriously?
Well, the daily practice really is not to take it seriously. The principle is that line at the end of Chapter 27, “Into eternity where all was one there crept a tiny, mad idea, at which the Son of God remembered not to laugh.” The problem is not the ego—which means not any of the problems a person thinks he or she has—or the difficulty a person thinks he or she has with the Course. The problem is the reaction to it. The whole idea of not taking it seriously or learning to laugh at it does not mean you minimize it or deny it or make believe it hasn’t happened but that you recognize that the problem is never the form. The problem is always the mind’s decision.
Anything you do during the day whether it’s related to the Course or something else in your life; the key is always to bring it back to the mind’s decision maker. The problem is not the ego or its expression in thought or behavior, not what’s in the wrong-minded box because how could an illusion be a problem? What the Course calls the Holy Spirit which really is just our right-minded thinking or sanity; that’s not the answer either. The answer lies in choosing the right mind just like the problem lies in choosing the ego. That’s where people really get kind of confused.
The key is always to bring it back to the power of the mind to choose, not to bring it back to Jesus or the Holy Spirit as some magical figure. The problem is simply the choice about wanting to remain in the dream or awaken from it. So that even when one is having a bad time with the Course or a relationship or sickness or something that’s happening in the world, it’s not what it seems. The problem is never external. The practice is always bringing the problem back to the mind from where we projected it.
OK, so here’s a not so serious question: In many of your CDs you joke that Jesus can’t stand Course students.
(Laughs) You can’t blame him, can you?
Not really. J So, what are the characteristics of A Course in Miracles students that tick Jesus off most?
Well, it’s their seriousness. I sometimes also say that if you read the Gospels it never, ever says that Jesus laughed. It never says he smiled. It describes him as getting angry, as weeping. Ultimately the Jesus of the Bible is not the Jesus of the Course. The Jesus of the Course is always smiling. But in a sense, that’s the issue. When I say that half-jokingly, it’s the seriousness Course students have, the seriousness with the Course that makes them judge other people, judge other Course students and other Course teachers. It’s what makes them say such unkind things to people who are sick–namely that “sickness is a defense against the truth”–things that tend to be so insensitive.
I’ve probably quoted that one line in the text about remembering not to laugh more in thirty-five years of teaching than any other because that’s the problem. I also say that sin, separation, the ego can’t be the problem because how can an illusion be a problem? If people could recognize that and then apply that and generalize it to everything during their day it would change everything. That’s what’s in back of the line “Seek not to change the world, choose to change your mind about it.” How can a non-existent world be the problem?
The mistake people sometimes make after my saying something like that is that it turns you into someone who’s insensitive and doesn’t pay attention to anything, but it doesn’t mean that at all. To really know the world does not exist allows you to be the kindest, most sensitive, most caring and loving person imaginable. Because you don’t get hooked into anything and so the love automatically flows through you and takes whatever form is most helpful. It doesn’t mean you don’t relate to the world but you relate without neediness or specialness and only with love.
So as you’re sitting and watching the election returns, for example, you can have real compassion.
Well, obviously you can watch how seriously everybody takes it including the commentators and realize that everybody lies and everybody’s the same no matter what side of the aisle you’re on, which is why nothing every changes.
Many Course students experience a real sense of loss as they begin to recognize the ego’s fleeting adrenaline highs for the defenses against all-inclusive, eternal Love they are and accept the true valuelessness of the world we once completely believed in. Can you speak to this phase?
Well, another source of confusion for people working with the Course is the confusion of body and mind. As long as you identify as a body, then it’s impossible to work with the Course and not feel a sense of loss because it says over and over again you’re not a body. Your body doesn’t think and feel and sense; doesn’t live, doesn’t die. Reading that as an individual body; how could you not feel a sense of loss that somehow the Course is taking something away from you? And, of course, it’s not taking something away from you; it’s simply showing you that what you thought you were was an illusion.
Even in the larger sense, it’s impossible to work with the Course without recognizing what specialness is. Specialness is our identity; we identify with our neediness, our special love, special hate. The Course is really exposing that for what it is. And so I think it’s almost impossible for a serious student as he or she goes through the Course over a period of years not to feel a sense of loss and a sense of sacrifice and then a consequent sense of resentment.
In another context that makes the same point, I’ve been accused by people over the years of taking Jesus away from them. Because what I emphasize is that the Jesus of the Course is not the Jesus of the Bible, not this magical Santa Claus to whom you turn over your problems without doing any work yourself. He’s not this person who heals problems in the world; and so people feel a sense of loss that the God, the Jesus they’ve prayed to is not the Jesus or God of the Course. Basically what students feel as loss is really the loss of their specialness. But, again, it all comes down to; am I a mind, or a body? If I choose to see myself as a body that feeling of loss and sacrifice is inevitable.
And that’s the fifth stage of the Development of Trust where it just takes a long time to let go of that specialness and we need to be patient with ourselves?
Well, it doesn’t specifically say that but, yes. Accepting the true valuelessness of one’s self in order to achieve the sixth stage is what takes a long time. The Course is meant to be taken literally in the sense that its goal is to help us awaken from the dream. And you can’t awaken from the dream when you think you’re still a dream figure, which means the body; you can only awaken when you realize you’re the dreamer, which means the mind. You’re the mind that can choose whether to awaken or not.
You know you’ve made some real progress with this Course when you recognize that the you being addressed in the Course is the decision-making mind and not the person you think you are. That’s a qualitative shift. But that’s really hard to hold onto because we read it as a person with eyes that think they see and a brain that thinks it thinks. And that shift that I’m not a body—and that’s why that line “I am not a body, I am free” appears more than any other in the workbook—is so important. People don’t realize that because it’s as if there’s a wall that separates what we intellectually know from what we really experience. So we may read and believe the words that the world is an illusion and the body’s not real and I’m not really here and at the same time experience ourselves very much as persons. And that’s what takes a long time; losing our belief in our identity.
In a recent newsletter article—“A Heroic Frame of Mind”—you describe the tendency of Course students “to arrogantly believe they have attained its magnitude” when they have not yet done the daily work of forgiveness. Can you give a specific example of how this might manifest in a Course student’s behavior?
Well, that gets back to one of your previous questions. In a sense you end up being very judgmental and unkind. Because if you really do the daily work you will minimize your ego which means that you recognize everyone is the same and your heart goes out to everyone because you feel the pain in everyone. When you don’t do that and think you’ve accomplished something when you haven’t it means the ego is still alive and well but it’s buried. And whenever it is buried it projects out and you end up separating, judging, attacking, and just being unkind.
You know I talk and write about kindness more than any other term these days because people just forget common decency; just being kind. I wrote an article, I did a workshop on a line that they attribute to Philo of Alexandria: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” And when you realize that everyone is fighting a hard battle then you realize that we all have the same split mind. But when you think you’ve understood the Course but you really haven’t that’s the arrogance of thinking that you’re ego free. And then the ego stays buried and the guilt stays buried.
I’ve pointed out that what has gone wrong with Christianity for 2100 years is Christians think that just because they profess that the Lord Jesus Christ is the Lord and savior, they are free. But they’re not aware of their own guilt and ego thought system so they continue projecting and that’s why Christians end up being just like Course students when they don’t do the work. They’re very self-righteous and they end up condemning and judging everyone. If you don’t deal with your ego which you have to work daily on doing in terms of exposing it and choosing against it, it stays there. You think you’re ego free and yet your ego is alive and well. You’re unaware that you’re continually choosing it which inevitably means you’ll project it, and then you won’t be kind. And you won’t realize that everybody in this world is suffering because the world is not their home.
In that same article you talk about “the humility of being wrong” which seems to be the real opening or prerequisite to forgiveness. From moment to moment, catching myself being unkind, wanting to hold on to my specialness, and then deciding again that’s not what I really want. I want to see my innocence in others.
Right. You quoted that article about being willing to say I’m wrong and learning for that to be joyful, learning the Course is the means to awakening and returning home. And so you should be joyful because every day takes you closer to your goal. Learning is exposing your ego. And if you’re so afraid of making a mistake and you want to be perfect you’re not going to learn. There’s all that tension and anxiety and false belief again in thinking that you’ve done it when you haven’t. So in a sense when you find yourself making judgments about people; that should be a happy thing because it’s exposing your ego and that allows healing to occur. That’s the importance of that line “would you prefer to be right or happy?” The way you can be happy is to be wrong and to learn from the mistake. But if you want to be right, you’re going to think that you’ve done something when you haven’t and then you make yourself and everybody else around you unhappy.
Course students often repeat statements such as “I am as God created me” but I find it doesn’t work for me. Is there an inherent danger for Course students in trying to embrace our “magnitude” on the level of Truth rather than just focusing on forgiving our pull toward ego specialness?
I use the metaphor of the ladder. The Course speaks on many different levels and passages that really reflect what’s at the top of the ladder such as “I am as God created me” remind us of where we’re going and our goal of awakening from the dream. It’s not to live a happier dream here, but to awaken. At the same time there are all those passages that refer to this as a process and the work involved and the workbook itself is all about that. It says at the end of the workbook “this course is a beginning not an end.” So you have to understand the different levels or rungs of the ladder the Course speaks to.
When people seize on statements such as “I am as God created me” and leapfrog to the top or so they think what they’re really doing is avoiding the daily work. One of the things I emphasize is that the oneness of Christ and Heaven is not what we experience here. The way that we’re created as spirit is perfect oneness but the reflection of perfect oneness in the world is sameness and that’s where the work is. To realize that we’re all the same and if I keep that in mind, I can’t judge anybody because judging only differentiates and separates and attacks. So the way to remember that I am as God created me and awaken from the dream is to practice everyday realizing how we’re all the same and therefore no attack thought is ever justified.
And you’re absolutely right; you don’t go from the bottom rung to the top rung. People who think they have done it are denying the guilt in the mind and they project it out and become unkind and it’s just another form of specialness. But if they do the daily work which is reflecting perfect oneness by learning to see everyone as the same, that’s forgiveness and that’s what gets you up the ladder. And the higher up the ladder you get the more you realize we’re all the same and attack is impossible. How could you attack yourself? It’s that sameness–the all-inclusiveness of forgiveness—that’s the heart of the practice. Everyone is fighting the same hard battle and if the Sonship is one in reality, then what awakens us is recognizing you are also the same in the illusion. You can’t exclude anyone from your forgiveness.
I sometimes say that if people started on page one of the text and went through all three books and looked at every time the word “all” and “every” appear whether literally or as a concept, they’d be astounded. It’s the all-inclusiveness of the Course’s vision that makes it what it is.
Practicing forgiveness day in and day out with whatever comes up, I’ve found that some areas and people in my life that used to trigger conflict no longer do, as if healed without any direct effort on my part. Conversely, I have completely new areas and people I’ve never had a problem with that suddenly seem to be in conflict. What’s going on here?
Well the first part of what you said—that a grievance all of a sudden is gone—and really the second part—all of a sudden getting upset with someone you had no grievances with—are really heads and tails of the same process. In the first part, when you keep working at undoing the guilt and unforgiveness of yourself, it generalizes. So you don’t have to forgive every single person because they’re all the same. And the Course says behind each brother are thousands and behind each one of those, another thousand. It’s like a domino effect. So when you’re really working on some key issues and can let those grievances go, they have to generalize. So all of a sudden someone you had a grievance with, the grievance is gone because the unconscious guilt is gone. But, not all the guilt is gone. So, you’re saying I’m no longer angry at person A but there’s still guilt and all of a sudden that guilt will be projected at person B that you never had an issue with before.
That shows you that the problem was never person A or person B, anyway. That’s where you have to understand the Course’s metaphysics that there’s no one out there. So the guilt will just land wherever it works best for your ego. So it’s not only that you’re never upset for the reason you think, you’re never angry for the reason you think and you’re never angry at the person you think because it’s not the person. So as you do your daily work and you’re forgiving more and more and letting go of your unforgiveness of yourself, then people you thought you hated all of a sudden the hate is gone because the guilt is gone. But if there’s still some guilt lurking it can easily find another target. All of that helps you realize, it’s never the external that’s the problem.
And there just seems no end to the places where it can crop up.
There’s never any end to it as long as there’s still some guilt.
But it is being chipped away at as you forgive what’s in your face, in your classroom everyday. That’s the process part?
Yes. But you don’t have to know what’s going on, because it’s unconscious anyway. Each and every time you find yourself angry you remember that I’m never upset for the reason I think. I sometimes say the only two lessons you really need to master are lessons 5 and 34, “I’m never upset for the reason I think” and “I could see peace instead of this.” That brings the problem back to my mind, and reminds me peace is a decision. And as long as I’m doing that, there will be wonderful effects that I don’t even need to understand.
I love this Course. Forgiveness has brought me so much real comfort and I’m really grateful to you for helping me understand the practice. It’s helped me see everything as the same problem, and generally made me much more tolerant. But I am still on a journey, still often afraid of losing this special identity, ambivalent about its value and at times terrified of losing my special relationships even as I watch myself pushing human love away. Can you give those of us somewhere in the murky middle of this journey home any advice on keeping the faith? In other words, can you give us a little pep talk, Ken?
Well, the process really works and you feel much better. I sometimes tell people just plant your nose on the page in front of you, don’t worry about the whole rest of the music, work on what’s directly in front of you and trust that there’s a love in you that you’re choosing to get closer and closer to. And if you really work day in and day out on just looking at your ego projections, then the payoff is immeasurable. It’s just incomprehensible how wonderful it is and you will continue to feel much better. The Course really works, if you work at it, so don’t stop. The key is to work at it with a gentle smile and not with all that seriousness.
Hi all~
This interview is a wonderful gift for me, as it encompasses the whole practice of putting ACIM to work in my so called life! 😉
I posted last week of my perceived right minded experiences, especially in regard to a long time friend that I have been experiencing many grievances with. I wrote about my feeling of calmness and neutrality in anticipation of being with her the following day, which I interpreted as right minded – as previously I would have had a “charge” feeling of some form during the previous week or so of the luncheon meeting that happens every other month with she, I and four other mutual friends.
In the morning of the luncheon, as I got ready, I asked to continue to be joined with my right mind, and the feeling of peace and calmness continued. Four of us, including this person and myself drove together for about an hour to our destination. The car trip was uneventful, and pleasant, with easy conversation. I was thinking as we entered the home of our hostess, that I was grateful, how much the practice of forgiveness ACIM style works, and other such pleasant thoughts. All continued to go well…..until soon after lunch, when this person went to the bathroom, and upon returning, stood at the periphery of the conversational circle, as a signal that she wanted to leave. Now, she was not the driver, and because she does this sort of thing on a regular basis, I, at first found this action to be most interesting….then…..as she continued to stand there with no one making eye contact with her for several minutes….I found it most humorous—and loved it! I enjoyed it so much, as it was my perception that she was making a fool of herself, wanting her way (to leave) and no one was buying into it—or even making eye contact with her! The longer it went on, the more I enjoyed it! Finally, after standing there for several minutes, she went to the driver and quietly asked her when we were going to leave, and the driver informed her that we would leave about 3:30 or so. Well, this person, after that, didn’t have much to add to the conversation, and I loved that too, thinking that the drama had turned into a comedy. We did leave a few minutes after 3:30, and upon arriving home, my husband informed me that Ann, the hostess called, and to call her on her cell as soon as I arrived home! I did—and we both “crucified” Char, for being rude, wanting her own way as usual, being a fool, etc. As I was participating in this “crucifixion” – I was aware that I was COMPLETELY joined with the ego belief system in my mind, how I was attacking myself by attacking her in making fun of her, and I didn’t really care! I got off the phone and watched neutrally—-how much fun I continue to think the ego games are. I remembered how there was a time, when at this stage of my game (watching) I would tell myself what a bad person I was for being so childish, and all sorts of other punishing statements. Ken’s words came into my mind about “just watching all the lies with a little smile…” and that is exactly what I did. STOP!
I continued to realize later, and for a few days…how UNkind I can be (in my thoughts) while putting on the face of innocence (or attempting to) with my actions! I also continued to realize how strong my id as a body is, even tho that identification seems to have lessened considerably, and this was not a surprise, (as I am aware of this over and over with my lessons.) Blah..blah..blah..;-)
So what does this all mean? Absolutely nothing! Except—-in reading the interview with Ken above, I am comforted. I am shown, somehow…that “…the only meaningful prayer is for forgiveness…” I am shown that forgiveness is my only function here..and I am shown that “being in your right mind, is being in your wrong mind and looking without judgment.” I am shown that *I am not a guilty sinner…just a decision making split mind(spirit) that continues to make silly mistakes by choosing the ego belief system in my wrong mind—and it’s okay. For me, that is pretty huge!
Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow to all that celebrate the holiday, and for those who don’t celebrate, I wish you all a happy day!
Nina, I wanted to thank you for your lovely message to me today. It really touched me. Yes, I guess I have been putting some pressure on myself. Silly, eh? I should really get used to just letting things flow a little more. I might, however, try to be a little more prepared next time, anyway, and look into a replacement technology for skype. I loved the hot choc and I’m a great fan of cardamon, as you must have known. It has been colder here lately, and your hand-knitted rainbow socks (above the knees) have come in very handy. Big hugs.
Melody, thanks for the great update. What an adventure! It wasn’t disappointing for us, that’s for sure. I loved the crucifixion with a smile. My discipline today has been to notice when I’m in the wrong mind (stress, anxiety, expectation, blame), and to recognize that I’m in this state only because I really WANT to be. Something in me is getting secret delight out of it, is really enjoying it in a totally perverse way. And then the next step is to turn to that other presence in my mind and say, “There’s nevertheless gotta be something better than this…” And then I get to feel that there is, even though I haven’t been choosing it. It’s still there, even if my mind has been elsewhere in ego-fantasy land.
Yes ….It is a wonderfully all-encompassing Ken interview ..and Melody i am so glad you gave us an update. There is something incredibly helpful about coming together like we do and talking about our processes, helpful and often very daunting. Sometimes it feels so stark it’s like undressing in the mall.
Bernard I like where you quote Jamie as saying “deep forgivness” is admitting that we like judging others. Reminds me of Ken saying that no matter how much we sprout about wanting to devote our lives to this Course, our secret wish is to remain here and blame everybody else, while somehow retaining a spiritual aura…. big hugs to all xoxox
This is the post I took out, but since some of you have been asking about it, I put it back.
Friday, 27th November:
Today I murdered my accountant. Yep. Blood, guts, innards, viscera, you name it, it was spilled. Mind you, I’d been killing him on and off for about a week. And what’s most fascinating was watching myself do it, choosing to attack, bludgeon, judge, insinuate, defend myself, counter-parry, stab, lunge, hack, swipe, and generally caper about in some remarkable deathly dance that had just one goal: to ensure that he was the one responsible for my current crisis. Probably even more remarkable, he knew absolutely nothing about all this torture and maiming. It was all going on in my mind. You see, in my estimation he had neglected his job and now I was responsible for a payment of $8,600 to the French Social Security System, a figure that should have been much lower. And despite several attempts (by telephone and email – he would not schedule a meeting) to get him to explain how he had generated his figures for my annual results for the past two years (on which the ‘SS’ bases its calculations), he could/would not answer my specific questions. What could I do? I had to murder him, you understand.
I have to say that my propensity and willingness to see him dead did trouble my conscience a little. I said ‘a little’. Okay, a hell of a lot. Whereas I find that other people have no regrets about a tiny murder here and a moderate slaughter there (in the words of a friend, “Just let him have it – he deserves it! Blow the creep away!”) it irked me somewhat to think that the only way to deal with this was by spilling blood. As a good ACIM student, I heard the words come to me as if Helen Schucman herself where whispering nearby, “There must be another way.”
Joking aside, I was trying fervently to find another solution in my mind. But every time I even glanced at the situation side-wise, I would plunge into accusation and defensiveness. This accountant and I had had a clash of personalities from the beginning. To me he seemed like a classic technician with no ability to communicate to a lay public, with little tact or patience for dealing with someone like me who really likes to know what’s going on with his accounts. As he would constantly tell me with a smile that I perceived as disdaining, after a few minutes of trying to explain a concept to me, “Just trust me, the figures are correct.”
This was what I guess we could call a ‘test’. You all know that it had absolutely nothing to do with the accountant, of course. My accusation was against God. He hadn’t taken care of me, he had let something terrible happen, I wasn’t to blame, blahdy blahdy blah. Pat was reminding me over and over – you are safe, nothing is at stake, there is no real problem here. And of course it was true. This was definitely a lot of money for me – Social Security over here leaves absolutely no slack, and my annual income had been a woeful $13,000 for each of the two previous years. Basically I was going to eat into critical reserves to pay this money. But I wasn’t going to perish because of it; my physical life was intact. The real problem was my psychological life, or ego. My choice for guilt was resulting in my condemning myself for my inability to work out my professional life. It could have been anything else, but now the subject of my self-condemnation was my so-called poor professional choices (at other times I had been very content with these choices). And my ego’s only solution was to find an outside cause for my predicament (the accountant’s incompetence, not mine), and then blame it. Just so I didn’t have to face the real choice offered to me all the time within the quiet space of my mind.
But because I participate in this place called the ACIM Village, I heard words echoing around in my mind that were supportive and wise. I knew my friends would say that I had to make my way back to that calm inner place we all share and start to think about (maybe, perhaps, potentially) making another choice.
I sat for long periods trying to do precisely this, and there were moments when I felt an inner shift occurring. There was lightness and detachment, and I knew my accounts were not the real problem, and that the real solution was extremely simple. The issue was not the money, or his incompetence, or mine. The issue was knowing that I was perfectly competent to choose the right mind and the remembrance of Love anytime I chose. That was where I would find the abundance and competency I felt was lacking in my life.
But now I still had to deal with Monsieur le Accountant. I still needed to meet with him, and I was still quite sure he didn’t want to see me. The question was how to confront this man with his inattention to my case and to what I perceived as his errors, and how to do this without leaving this quiet, inner calm I had been reclaiming? That is really what I wanted to get out of this.
As I drove to the accountant’s office today I tried to focus calmly on my questions (without turning them into accusations). The secretary informed me that he was not in the office today, but that his mother (the director of the firm) would be willing to receive me. Now this was an altogether different situation. Madame was sincerely charming and interested in working out the figures and explaining them to me. Within a few minutes she had managed to clear up the confusing numbers (which were at first glance perplexing to her as well and she suspected an error). There was no judgment between us, on the contrary, I felt a desire to help her and was conciliatory about the difficulty of working with the SS.
Okay, I didn’t get to confront my ‘nemesis’ himself, who had made no technical error (although it could be argued that his relationship and communication skills needed some improving). But I think I learned some important lessons anyway. The problem was never what it seemed, no matter how critical it seemed. My fear was only because of my guilt, because of holding myself away from Jesus. Not because of what the accountant had (not) done. It just felt for a moment more convenient to say it was he because then I could say, “Jesus is not the issue – this bean-counter is.” So who was truly incompetent? I was – at least while I was refusing to acknowledge my real ability to reclaim my right mind. I thought it felt better to be a victim, but the ‘high’ of blame didn’t last very long before the fear set in. My ego would like me to believe I am incompetent, because it doesn’t want me to know I am perfectly competent to choose the right mind, to choose the remembrance of Love.
And so I do.
The next time I feel confronted by someone I judge as incompetent, well, I guess that will be another test. If I’m upset for any reason, who is really being incompetent? It must be me.
Bernard I must have missed post #758 previously. Thanks for resubmitting because its a perfect example of being blind sided. (Just typing it all out must have been cathartic and exhausting at the same time )
To think you created the injustice just to check if your inner peace is intact… Again the saying that this is an insane planet is proven once again. Reminds me of the age ole question of why do bad things happen to good people? Because they must in an insane world! Good thing you have us here at the Village who have all had our share of being blind slided and are starting to question that line of thinking.
Not that I didn’t for a moment wish to join in with your non-villlage friends and partake in planning to murder your accountant. (I clearly have one foot in this world and one the the other I won’t lie) Besides temporary insanity is justified in this world…we will pitch in for a good lawyer (:
I like how you created his Mother to be available to clear up the situation. I have to connect the dots here and see how your choice to steer clear of any accusatory thoughts created the next experience, one of mutual respect. The defenslessness allowed the truth to be seen and even though the outcome was not what you wanted you could accept it without a sense of victimhood.
I suspect that’s how this Course is set up. I will one day accept the Truth that this planet is insane and that I no longer wish to pay the price of this kind of existance. But in the meantime I am no less loved and respected and by my defenselessness I can work with my brothers and sisters and see things differently.
Thanks Bro for being open. I love you and respect you deeply.
Annie
Bernard, me too!
Bernard bro –
I like your story, but am bothered by the fact that you’re thinking of yourself as incompetent !! (at any level). For what it’s worth, my perception of you is entirely different.
hugs,
a*
Bernard, I have much empathy for you. Being the “nice” person that I am I don’t allow my thoughts to go to murder. Instead I just want the offender to
“leave” as in “if he would just leave me everything would be all right!” I’m referring to thoughts that I had about my ex and now my current partner. These two men are as different as night and day. The common projector is myself. So as Ken pointed out in his interview “That shows you that the problem was never person A or person B, anyway. That’s where you have to understand the Course’s metaphysics that there’s no one out there. So the guilt will just land wherever it works best for your ego.”
So I resolved the authority issue with my Mom years ago but now I’m projecting it onto my partner. He pushed that button yesterday and I turned into a crazed person. Did not know that I could say F…O..so many times in 5 min. A long walk with the dog gave me the thinking time I needed, the first 30 min full of judgements and then slowly a few right minded thoughts crept in. He’s still not talking to me and I certainly understand that as well. Oh the webs we weave.
Thank you Bernard for this honest sharing—I can COMPLETELY relate….as is obvious by MY posts, I’m sure….;-)
Love and Gratitude to all!
Bernard, thanks for re-posted your post. I read it quickly when you posted for the first time and really struck me because this last week I was feeling such a victim about some circumstances in my life, that when I read your post it gave me light in a lot of things. But I read it very quickly and need to return to it and calmly read it again and when I returned, no post. So thanks again. Ditto all what Annie said, thanks so much for your honesty and for sharing with us all this. This really helped me: “My ego would like me to believe I am incompetent (this was one of my last week´s feelings about myself), because it doesn´t want me to know I am perfectly competent to choose the right mind, to choose the remembrance of Love.”
In Ken´s interview I also found something really helpful to this respect, in some part he says: “The problem is not the ego or its expression in thought or behavior, not what is in the wrong minded box because how could and illusion be the problem? What the Course calls the Holy Spirit which really is just our right minded thinking or sanity; that´s not the answer either. The answer lies in choosing the right mind just like the problem lies in choosing the ego. That is where people really get kind of confused.”
And Bernard thanks for your tip at the Village live about Lesson 93. I used it in a very “difficult” situation with a very “difficult” person and it worked. In a moment the words just disappeared and the only thing that remained was the experience of true joining.
Great Sunday to all
Lots of hugs, Lisi
Thanks for your support, guys. Bev, I’d love to hear how things move along for you. Know that we’re behind you and willing to hear whatever you have to say. We know just how bad it gets! And we know how silly and confused me can be. We’ve all been there. Remember, this is Guiltaholics Anonymous here.
Lesson 93 adapted for MOJ:
Light and joy and peace abide in my brother.
Your brother thinks he is the home of evil, darkness and sin. He thinks if you could see the truth about him you would be repelled, recoiling from him as if from a poisonous snake. He thinks if what is true about him were revealed to himself, he would be struck with horror so intense that he would rush to death by his own hand, living on after seeing this being impossible.
These are beliefs so firmly fixed that it is difficult to help him see that they are based on nothing. That he has made mistakes is obvious. That he has sought salvation in strange ways; has been deceived, deceiving and afraid of foolish fantasies and savage dreams; and has bowed down to idols made of dust,–all this is true by what he now believes.
Today we question this, not from the point of view of what he thinks, but from a very different reference point, from which such idle thoughts are meaningless. These thoughts are not according to God’s Will. These weird beliefs He does not share with your brother. This is enough to prove that they are wrong, but he does not perceive that this is so.
Why would your brother not be overjoyed to be assured that all the evil that he thinks he did was never done, that all his sins are nothing, that he is as pure and holy as he was created, and that light and joy and peace abide in him? His image of himself cannot withstand the Will of God. He thinks that this is death, but it is life. He thinks he is destroyed, but he is saved.
The self your brother made is not the Son of God. Therefore, this self does not exist at all. And anything it seems to do and think means nothing. It is neither bad nor good. It is unreal, and nothing more than that. It does not battle with the Son of God. It does not hurt him, nor attack his peace. It has not changed creation, nor reduced eternal sinlessness to sin, and love to hate. What power can this self he made possess, when it would contradict the Will of God?
Your brother’s sinlessness is guaranteed by God. Over and over this must be repeated, until it is accepted. It is true. His sinlessness is guaranteed by God. Nothing can touch it, or change what God created as eternal. The self your brother made, evil and full of sin, is meaningless. His sinlessness is guaranteed by God, and light and joy and peace abide in him.
Salvation requires the acceptance of but one thought;–your brother is as God created him, not what he has made of himself. [And not what you have made of him.] Whatever evil he may think he did, he is as God created him. Whatever mistakes he made, the truth about him is unchanged. Creation is eternal and unalterable. Your brother’s sinlessness is guaranteed by God. He is and will forever be exactly as he was created. Light and joy and peace abide in your brother because God put them there.
In our longer exercise periods today, which would be most profitable if done for the first five minutes of every waking hour, begin by stating the truth about creation:
Light and joy and peace abide in my brother.
His sinlessness is guaranteed by God.
Then put away your foolish images, and spend the rest of the practice period in trying to experience what God has given you and your brother, in place of what you have decreed.
Your brother is what God created or what you have made of him. One Self is true; the other is not there. Try to experience the unity of this one Self. Try to appreciate Its Holiness and the love from which It was created. Try not to interfere with the Self which God created as you and your brother, by hiding Its majesty behind the tiny idols of evil and sinfulness you have made to replace It. Let It come into Its Own. Here you are; This is You, and your Brother. And light and joy and peace abide in you and your brother because this is so.
You may not be willing or even able to use the first five minutes of each hour for these exercises. Try, however, to do so when you can. At least remember to repeat these thoughts each hour:
Light and joy and peace abide in my brother.
His sinlessness is guaranteed by God.
Then try to devote at least a minute or so to closing your eyes and realizing that this is a statement of the truth about him.
If a situation arises that seems to be disturbing, quickly dispel the illusion of fear by repeating these thoughts again. Should you be tempted to become angry with someone, tell him silently:
Light and joy and peace abide in you.
Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God.
You can do much for the world’s salvation today. You can do much today to bring you closer to the part in salvation that God has assigned to you. And you can do much today to bring the conviction to your mind that the idea for the day is true indeed.
Bernard, Thank you for the lovely post (#766)…it seemed to be exactly a good fit for me today. I have recently been thinking of frustrations with myself–that I am such an inperfect student of the Course. I was comforted by the recent posting of Ken’s interview & what he said about not taking it all so seriously. It is true that I can be overwhelmed by the enormity, the magnitude. My inclination can be to throw up my hands and concede defeat. But when I bring it back to myself, when I understand that my own spirit contributes to a greater salvation, I find value in what I do. My risk, of course, is losing sight of the greater universe, of becoming the center of my own world. The trick for me is balance, remaining “right-sized.” Easier to do when I tell all of you who I am….
Dear Bernard, what a gift your post is. Going on the bus
today, I said it inside for the driver and many passengers, and my heart turned so soft, so motherly. The driver started to talk to me after a few minutes – just small talk, but he wanted a connection, and that felt as a confirmation of what I had just seen in him.
And from there my day went up. My doctor whom I love very much looked pained, and when I asked if he was in pain, he said his back was stiff and painful and he was restricted in moving. I got an impulse to do EFT with him, and he said yes(he really IS a special doctor 🙂 and in one minute the pain was gone. I then gave him a little clay-crazy-wise figure I had made – he looked at it and said: “it is GOOD. I must place it somewhere where it can look out for me.”
In the morning, I had a very intriguing and interesting dream- brilliantly clear and distinct in its visual and kinesthetic aspects. I was inside a H U G E complex what a great metaphor – and it had to do with the French. The complex turned out to be a huge piece of art, an instillation with hundreds of rooms, walking through them you could choose to interact with the various persons in the rooms. Every person was impeccably made up – but a little too refined, you know – a little TOO much makeup.
Audrey Hepburn was there, impeccable in her costume from the film “Breakfast at Tiffany”…and there were two nuns, also heavy made up, like in a theater-play – and they wore a mixture of nun-habits and folk-dresses. Very interesting mixture, seen from an old costume-designer’s view.
Very few people are awake – and the way they are placed in beds are so delicate, like they are placed in an exquisite painting/installation.Not a detail is left to coincidence. It is interesting, fascinating, decadent and intriguing – food for ego. None are real.
This is SO a script – a French script 🙂 – and esthetically I am thrilled and enjoy it – I know everything is made up and fake, but it is brilliantly done. It is an instillation for alienation: nobody is “at home” within themselves. Glamor.
It feels great to have no judgments at all in this fake-instillation-world, and enjoying the “show.” I still give this value, I see. Interesting.
A roller coaster week for me. I had the ego melt down with my partner on Sat. On Monday morning he was fired and an hour later we found out that my brother-in-law Brian had died in a truck accident. Brian was a good guy: cheerful and able to deal easily with whatever life dealt him. I alternate between grief and calm and occasionally remembering some right minded thoughts. Mainly I’m trying to be there for both my partner and my sister without my needs in the way and that seems to be working.
At work for the past 2 days I attended a Course on the Neuroplasticity of the Brain and how we can use that function in the treatment of people with Strokes. The presenter made a point on the 1st day that any thought we have lays down a channel in the brain. Someone studied the brains of Buddhist Monks and found that no matter what type of picture they were shown only the empathy center of the brain lit up. His point was that the brain can be trained. Of course ACIM says that the mind can be trained and this I believe while tightly holding onto the hand of Jesus.
{{{Bev}}} That is an emotional roller coaster ride! Sending light and love to those who are dear to you. In this the season of light may only our empathy centers stay engaged with our source, Jesus Christ.
With you in Spirit.
Annie
{{{Bev}}} So sorry to hear about your brother-in-law. Thanks for sharing all this with us. We are just there with you.
Much, much love and a big hug,
Lisi
Bev, sending big hugs your way. Hang in there! Peace is always just around the corner… never so far away. Thanks for keeping us up to date. It’s lovely that your trying to ‘make it about the other’. That sometimes helps to find peace. And things are never quite what they seem. Something, or Someone is always there.
Thanks for the info about the pathways in the brain. Ken mentioned something about this once, that practicing forgiveness is like making new pathways in the brain – at first its difficult and complicated, then as we practice more the channels get deeper and the thoughts flow allow those lines more easily, until they flow into forgiveness all the time naturally. Lovely idea.
Just thought today´s answer in the Q&A at The Remembered Song is so important to all of us that wanted to pasted here for everyone to read at it:
A: First of all, please remember to be gentle with yourself. Failure is an ego term — it’s not in the Holy Spirit’s or Jesus’ vocabulary. So you know how much stock you can put in that judgment! You feel like a failure only when you’ve accepted the ego as your teacher. And that’s the only problem. And so the solution is to turn to a different Teacher. Jesus gently reminds us that we are simply unable to “distinguish between advance and retreat. Some of your greatest advances you have judged as failures, and some of your deepest retreats you have evaluated as success” (T.18.V.1:5,6).
Perhaps it would be helpful to realize that Jesus is not asking you to choose between him and your ego — he knows you’re still too fearful to let go of the familiar supports. He only asks that when you become afraid of his love and go running to your “old ego security blankets” that you remember that he is still with you, smiling lovingly like an older brother who only wants to reassure you that the bogeyman you’re afraid of is just in your mind and isn’t real.
That you have allowed yourself to recognize the secret glee that you feel in your suffering is proof that your ego is no longer in complete charge. That you are afraid to stay very long with that recognition is not surprising, for it can lead us to question the ego’s purpose behind all those unfortunate and painful things that seem to happen to us, beyond our control. And as we begin to do that, our ego’s days are numbered. So please don’t be hard on yourself for your reluctance to stay with those thoughts. Simply trust that you will be able to, with greater ease, as you are ready. And the readiness comes from being kind to yourself and not from any effortful striving on your part.
Posted on Thursday, December 2nd, 2010 at 12:01 am
Much love to all of you and a really big hug,
Lisi
Lisi, we were posting at the same time. I thought I saw you with a coffee in the armchair by the fire.
Yes, I saw that Q&A today and I loved that first line: failure is not part of Jesus’ vocabulary! It was such a reassuring response. Patience and kindness, and then some more!
Holding Bev and family with my heart thoughts.
{{{Bev}}} warm hugs to you and your family.
Excerpts from the Workshop held at the
Academy & Retreat Center of the Foundation for A COURSE IN MIRACLES
Kenneth Wapnick, Ph.D.
Part III
“The Forgiving Dream” (T-29.IX), cont.
(3:1) All figures in the dream are idols, made to save you from the dream.
1. Everything we perceive and believe is outside us is part of the dream. These are the idols, and their purpose is to make the outside dream real to protect us from the dream within our minds, which we do not want to look at. Course students compromise this over and over again by trying in whatever way they can to make some aspect of the external dream reality. That is why many students place such great emphasis on seeing Jesus or the Holy Spirit as doing things for them in the world. That is a subtle way of making Them part of the illusion, whereas in the Course Jesus asks us to take the illusion to the truth, not to bring the truth to the illusion. We have a strong investment in making the outside dream real, because if it is real outside, we do not have to look at the dream within our minds. What better way to make it seem real than to have God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit operate in it?
2. That is why it is a mistake to confuse A Course in Miracles with New Age thought systems. The Course in no way compromises the truth that the entire physical universe is an illusion. But we want to make the figures in the dream reality, including the Holy Spirit and Jesus so we are protected from the underlying dream inside our minds.
(3:2) Yet they [all of these idols] are part of what they have been made to save you from.
3. These idols were made to save us from the idol we made within our own minds (the ego thought system) that says, “I have stolen from God and I now exist. I have what I have stolen. I no longer have to give it back, and I exist on my own. And now God exists outside me.” The ego begins with that initial thought of judgment, which is the beginning of the dream. It then becomes a full-blown dream within our minds that we are different from God, that we have stolen from God and sinned against Him. And our guilt over this now tells us God will punish us. This is the terrifying dream within our own minds. It is so terrifying that we do not look at it, but project it so that it now seems to be outside us. And anything that roots us further in the dream outside will nicely serve the ego’s purpose, even if it goes under the name of God, which is what religions have done for centuries. It is extremely tempting for people to do the same thing with A Course in Miracles — to bring part of the truth into the illusion, making the illusion real. If you do that, you will never get out of the dream, because you will not know it is only a dream.
(3:3) Thus does an idol keep the dream alive and terrible, for who could wish for one unless he were in terror and despair?
4. The “you” Jesus is referring to in these passages is the mind, the part of the mind that chooses — what I refer to as the decision maker. It is the part of our minds that has first identified with the ego thought system. It is a thought system of terror and despair that tells us we need to protect ourselves from the terror and despair by denying it, which means we would never look at it again. And then we project it and see it outside ourselves. That is why we need a world of specific people and specific objects. We project all of these thoughts of sin, guilt, and judgment so they are no longer seen within, but outside. As long as we believe in the reality of the idol, we will never know that the idol really rests within our own minds.
(3:4) And this the idol [anything in the world outside of us] represents, and so its worship is the worship of despair and terror, and the dream from which they come.
5. This is true for the idols of specialness we think are wonderful and make us happy as well as the idols of specialness we hate. Earlier in the text, in “The Obstacles To Peace” (T-19.IV), Jesus speaks about this in another form: “While you believe that it [the body] can give you pleasure, you will also believe that it can bring you pain” (T-19.IV-A.17:11). Pleasure and pain are opposite sides of the same illusion. Both of them make the body real because both say there is something outside us that can make us either happy or unhappy and bring us pain. The truth is that the only thing that can bring us happiness is choosing the Love of the Holy Spirit. The only thing that can bring us pain is choosing the ego. That is all. There is nothing else.
6. The lines here represent the same idea. That is why we become so invested in the world. It is easy to fall into this trap, even as a student of a course that teaches that there is no world, for we still believe that external behaviors somehow mean something. They mean nothing in and of themselves. Their meaning lies only in what meaning we give them. What is important is never anything external — not what bodies do or do not do — but our internal decision to choose either the ego and separation, or Jesus and joining. Once we focus our attention outside and believe what we do is important, helpful, healing, or loving, we are getting caught in specialness, worshipping the idol of specialness. We will think that we are serving a function of healing or love, but it really is an idol of despair and terror.
7. In worshipping the idols of specialness outside, we are worshipping not only terror, despair, and guilt, but the whole dream, of which terror, despair, and guilt are only components. We are worshipping the dream that we have what we have stolen from God and will never give it back, for now we exist as individuals on our own. We love terror, despair, and guilt, or we would not feel them all the time. We love them because they make real the thought of separation — the thought of the original judgment against God — which makes real our separate existence from God. That is why we have such a tremendous investment in our self-importance, in being a unique individual — it establishes that the dream is real. The state of terror or despair in our minds says the dream is real; the guilt and the sin are both real.
(3:5) Judgment is an injustice to God’s Son, and it is justice that who judges him will not escape the penalty he laid upon himself within the dream he made.
8. It is important to realize that the entire thought system of the ego is real within itself. It is not reality, but within the dream itself it is all very real. When we sleep at night and dream, we will experience the dream as very real. This entire world is a dream. As Jesus explains elsewhere (e.g., T-18.II.7-14), there is no difference between what we call our sleeping dreams and what he refers to as our waking dreams, such as we are experiencing right now. They are all the same — just different expressions of the thoughts within our minds. Within the ego dream, the fear of punishment is very real. Within that dream, our fear of experiencing harm — physical or emotional — is very real. We are not asked, as students of A Course in Miracles, to deny what our experiences are. We are asked, however, not to make these experiences reality. There is a crucial difference between those two approaches.
9. In other words, we all experience fear, and we believe our fear is due to something external to us that can impinge upon us. The ego interprets this as the wrath of God visited upon us — that is our experience. We may not consciously experience it as God’s wrath, but we certainly do experience fear as caused by something external to us. Remember, our own bodies are just as external to our minds as everyone else’s body is. But that does not make it reality. That is where the Christian Churches were mistaken; they took their experience of fear and wrote a theology about it. They said this is the reality of God: God sees our sin as real and has a plan to help us atone for it, basically a plan of murder. The plan then becomes one of suffering and sacrifice. If we believe we are sacrificing so God won’t be angry at us, then we will feel good about sacrificing. But that does not make it reality. Our experience is that the sun rises and sets but that does not make it reality. In reality, it is the earth rotating on its own axis that makes it appear as if the sun moves around the earth. And in fact, it is the earth that moves around the sun. Similarly, people may experience the Holy Spirit or Jesus doing things for them in the world, but that does not mean that they really are. Don’t confuse your experience with reality. The ego always interprets our experiences in order to construct a theology that serves its purposes, which of course is why we have the experience in the first place. Within our dream, whenever we make a judgment we are asserting that we are different from God; we have separated from Him, sinned against Him, and have stolen from Him. Our guilt over that will then demand that we not escape the penalty of God’s anger. This whole world, which is a world of change and death, then stands as the witness to the fact that what the ego has taught us is true. If our existence, which we call life, was ultimately stolen from God, then when God steals back the life we stole from Him we will be without life, which means we will be dead. That is the ego’s interpretation of our death.
(3:6) God knows of justice, not of penalty.
10. God’s justice of course has nothing to do with justice as we think of it. God’s justice states that nothing happened. If nothing happened, there is no guilt and no punishment. (3:7) But in the dream of judgment you attack and are condemned; and wish to be the slave of idols, which are interposed between your judgment and the penalty it brings. But we are not condemned by God. We are condemned by the projection of our own guilt, which makes up a God Who is angry. We then deny the whole dynamic and make up a world in which we are continually condemning and judging others, while believing they condemned and judged us first. But our judgment is within our minds; that is our guilt. We project it out and make up a world of idols that will punish us; and we actually think there is a world out there that affects us. This is all part of the dream, which seems very real from within the dream.
10. God’s justice of course has nothing to do with justice as we think of it. God’s justice states that nothing happened. If nothing happened, there is no guilt and no punishment. (3:7)
This reminds me of another way of saying the same thing but I don’t remember where I read it: God doesn’t forgive because God has never condemned. Only those that have condemned need to forgive.
Uh…that would be me. The one who has condemned and needs to forgive. I’ve been watching my thoughts lately. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why I just love to get into a groove of condemning others. I know the reason I give when I forgive the thoughts…I say that my motivation or purpose for doing so was to throw or shift my guilt onto my brother. It just still fascinates me that I get such pleasure from attacking another. Case in point, a few of us at work yesterday had occasion to discuss a fellow worker who is leaving our organization and who has been given many advantages and compensations in her work. She is now going to work for another organization and leaving ours very short-handed and in fact, at risk of losing some accounts because those accounts depended upon her being the one to provide the work. We started out attacking our organization for not communicating what is going on in this situation, then we shifted to the other employee and gave it to her for a while, and then we threw mud at the person likely to take her place. If Santa Claus or Jesus had walked in the door at that moment, I’m sure we would have thrown paper clips and staplers at them. I’m not proud of myself for joining the slug-fest. I watched it…and forgave later. I question whether I will ever be in the mental state to never do this. Maybe that’s okay. Maybe watching is enough. I know that I just feel rather ashamed of myself later. Maybe this is the ego’s double kick?
Hugs! Laura
“But that does not make it reality.
“Our experience is that the sun rises and sets but that does not make it reality. In reality, it is the earth rotating on its own axis that makes it appear as if the sun moves around the earth.
“And in fact, it is the earth that moves around the sun.”
Very useful to me today – the whole thing excerpt you posted, Bernard, but also this segment of it that i just had to quote out separately here (:
Many thanks.
Schedule for the Village Live Picnic Sunday, 5th December:
As per usual, West Coast 7 am, Mountain Time 8 am, Central Time 9 am, East coast 10 am, Europe Continental 4 pm, and Singapore 11 pm (sorry, Anil!)
Our goal: to really listen to and be present with each other – that’s it! And we’ll do that by each of us either telling a little story of something funny that happened to them once, telling a joke or two, telling us about one of their favorite vacations or favorite vacation places, or sharing a favorite recipe with us. Or perhaps telling us about a recent event, dinner, conference, or party he/she went to. Or if you really, want you can just read a passage from the blue book that you like. Does that give us enough choice? All the kinds of things that we’d chat about if we got together on a blanket under a spreading tree somewhere on a hilltop on a sunny day and joined in a little country feast.
As usual, anyone who wants to join in who hasn’t yet must sign up for a Skype address (which is free), and then tell me what this is via email.
It’s okay if there aren’t many of us, or if it’s a little late notice. We’ll do it again sometime. I already have my eye on a tropical island gathering sometime. You know how there are these teachers who lead seminars in exotic places, well, we’re going to do the same with our Village meetings! We’ll just imagine ourselves there… It’s so much easier!
Bernard bro-
11 pm is so much easier, for me, than 7 am (:
hope to be there. aside from the usual uncertainties of the final 28-day stretch, the internet is also playing up today !! lovely (:
Laura, I forgot to say that I just love your post. It’s so fabulously honest, but in just the right way. A little secret – you’re speaking for all of us! Who could possibly not be like this? This was such a great line: “It just still fascinates me that I get such pleasure from attacking another.” And then, “I question whether I will ever be in the mental state to never do this.” I love this line because you say you ‘question’ whether… You don’t say ‘I condemn myself’ (which you actually allude to later). I think it’s all in the questioning and then saying, “So, I still have an ego, and I’m still afraid of Love as my reality. What’s new? I’ll get over it one day.” And you will!! We all will. I would tend to agree with you that the feeling ashamed about it is the ego’s double whammy. In fact, I would wager that we do all this purely in order to feel these feelings of guilt and shame afterward. Only a separated lil being could feel shame about ‘itself’. And what if, just what if, we could be kind and accepting with ourselves as we sit through these egofests, knowing that it’s not a sin, but just fear. It’s just fear, that’s all, and that’s surely not a sin. Big, big hugs, B.
Really a nice picnic having all of you sharing a little part of you with all of us. Thanks again Bernard, a*, Jane, Laura, Pam, it was really a delight to be with all of you.
Something really startling popped up after Bernard´s comment about the way we usually come to Jesus. And yes, I agree all this is very tricky and our ego is so clever that is always playing games with us. In the past, and still now, the person of whom I make the worst judgements is myself. I used to be really hard on me, I am learning little by little to not take things so seriously, but what Bernard shared today is really interesting. Yes, the ego wants us to go to Jesus and tell him: I am a complete failure, I don´t deserve the slightest happiness. But Bernard is right, I am coming to Jesus and telling him I am this, now fix it. And he does not have anything to fix but our perception. Thinking about all this I remembered a line that always struck me every time I read it: “There is no statement that the world is more afraid to hear than this: “I do not know the thing I am, and therefore do not know what I am doing, where I am, or how to look upon the world or on myself.” Yet in this learning is salvation born. And What you are will tell you of Itself.”
There it is, the complete answer. I already copied it on a little card to read and think about it, and I will try to remember it the next time I approach Jesus asking for his help.
Great Sunday for all the Village.
Lots of hugs to all and much love,
Lisi 🙂
Laura, just saw your post and loved it. Such honesty. Thanks for, so graphically and humorously, pictured what all of us do on, I think, daily basis.
Really great listened to you today at the picnic.
Much love,
Lisi
I had a great time at our picnic today! It was fun and cosy. Thanks to Anil, Lisi, Ninjanun (welcome!), Laura and Pam. Aside from that fun little story about Nebraska-skiing behind the heifer, we spoke about coming to Jesus, as Lisi mentioned. We noticed that it’s important when we come to him with our self-judgments and self-opinions that we come with a question. We come with a question about our thoughts and judgments, and not with an insistence. When we come with an insistence, we are telling Jesus who we are; we are not asking him, “This is who I think I am – now, what do you think?”
Very often when we find that coming to Jesus just doesn’t seem to be changing our self-perceptions and reactions, it could be because we are not coming to him in order to question them, but to affirm them. The reason is clear, it is because we are afraid of changing them (of having them changed). We are afraid that in the true presence of Love, that saying with a truly open spirit, “Tell me who I am,” we would not recognize the ‘us’ we are so familiar with. We would feel and understand ourselves to be something completely different. Our ability to define and identify ourselves would be abandoned, and instantly replaced by a true sense of what we are, and that which we belong to. There is still a lot of resistance within us to this process. And yet Jesus talks about the need to do precisely this in many different places in his Course.
In lesson 94: “Nothing is required of you to reach this goal except to lay all idols and self-images aside; go past the list of attributes, both good and bad, you have scribed to yourself; and wait in silent expectancy for the truth…” And in lesson 93: “Try not to interfere with the Self which God created as you, by hiding Its majesty behind the tiny idols of evil and sinfulness you have made to replace It.”
Our self-condemning thoughts which are the bars of our self-made prison are just ‘tiny idols’ to Jesus, just a ‘list of attributes’. Can these really prevent Love from reminding us what we are? We try very hard to make sure that’s the case! Maybe, just maybe, we can stop insisting a little. Just for a moment or two?
It was a beautiful picnic. It has intensified the process that I am going through right now. Jean’s, aka Ninjanun’s talking about how Ken asked her to summarize her life in 45 seconds and then saying that she needed to go watch the Marxs Brothers and Bernard talking about taking our stuff to Jesus and letting him tell us what it means-not us telling him what we think it means, has got me going. I’ve done 3 life summaries and wow the stuff that comes up that I haven’t looked at in years and then I let a “Monty Python” or “Laugh In” skit pop in then I take it to J and ask what it means. Very interesting. Thanks everyone.
Hey Brother B. I think It is time for a new Village Square page. It’s loading slow and I can type about half a sentence and then wait for it to appear. Hugs
Thanks Bernard for your wonderful post!! I really liked and I really agree with you. It is because there is such a fine line between looking at our ego thoughts AND not judged and blame ourselves for them. The ego is really clever and he really wants to join us in self condemnation. Ken´s interview talked a lot about not taking our process so seriously. I loved this line from your post: “Never overestimate the ego – the ego is not more powerful than Love.” So, picnic time at the Village, it´s time of, yes, look at my ego, but, yes, know I am not my ego, I am as God created me, I am the Son of God, as all my fellows in our village are.
Today I will finish my day with this thought from the workbook: “We are the holy messengers of God who speak for Him, and carrying His Words to everyone whom He has sent to us, we learn about the aim for which we came, and which we seek to serve. We bring glad tidings to the Son of God, who thought he suffered. Now he is redeemed. And as he sees the gate of Heaven stand open before him, he will enter in and disappear into the Heart of God.”
Lots of hugs and much love to all,
Lisi
That’s it, Lisi, exactly – “It is because there is such a fine line between looking at our ego thoughts AND not judging and blaming ourselves for them.” I think a part of us really, thoroughly enjoys the process of finding all the judgments in us, all the condemning thoughts of others and ourselves. But then that part just goes on and on, even when we think we’re sitting next to Jesus. The next step is the real release, but we have to seriously switch gears at that point, and get out of our mind that insists that there is a ‘real’ condemnation there, and now turn it all into one big question. But a real question, not a question which just re-states the problem, such as, “I’d like you to tell me what’s there, but I’m actually pretty sure I already know. So I could save you some time here, Jesus.”
I think learning to come with a truly open and receptive mind is probably our next step.
Hi, All…
Just wanted to say what a great experience it was yesterday at the Picnic! Thank you, Bernard, for organizing the event…and thanks to Pam and Jean and Anil and Lisi for bringing such wonderful contributions. I’m like Pam in her earlier post that I always gain so much from our getting together.
Hugs!
a poem by e.e. cummings
may my heart always be open to little
birds who are the secrets of living
whatever they sing is better than to know
and if men should not hear them men are old
may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it’s sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young
and may myself do nothing usefully
and love yourself so more than truly
there’s never been quite such a fool who could fail
pulling all the sky over him with one smile
Annie, my dear, dear Annie, just thanks for such a beautiful poem. Really beautiful and heartfelt, today I drank a coffee that was mixed with tears, but they were tears of gratefulness. Thanks to the Village, thanks to you all.
Much love,
Lisi
New great addition at The Remembered Song:Ego Lessons Replaced
At the bottom of every page on the site there have been two daily Twitter postings, one being the daily lesson from the Workbook for Students, and the other a possible parallel ego lesson.
The daily lesson from the ACIM Workbook will continue to be posted, but the “daily ego lesson” has been replaced. In its place there will be postings that include: my ACIM ideas and experiences, Course quotes, Ken Wapnick quotes, ego lessons, forgiveness lessons, ACIM-centric observations etc. (If it doesn’t come from me, I will attribute it to the proper author.) This keeps the previous ego-lesson-angle, but broadens what can be shared. It will be updated at least once daily, and sometimes more often, so use the down arrow in the Twitter box to scroll back in time to read previous postings.
The first two quotes are great:
“One way to think of forgiveness: -Bring the ugliness to the loveliness.”
“We don´t like to look at this, but our specialness crucifies our brother.”
A big hug to all,
Lisi
In the introduction to Chapter 14, the Course talks about how we our “logical” ego conclusions cannot be seen except in illusions, for there alone their seeming clearness seems to be clearly seen. Also, the logic of the world must therefore lead to nothing, for its goal is nothing. T-14.I.2 says, This is an insane world, and do not underestimate the extent of its insanity. There is no area of your perception that it has not touched, and your dream is sacred to you. Then in T-14.I.5 the Course says, The Holy Spirit, therefore, must begin His teaching by showing you what you can never learn…. so my question is, what is the thing He shows us that we can never learn in a place where absolutely everything is illusion?
I believe the thing the Holy Spirit shows me is the Truth. The Course says this is the hardest lesson you will ever learn, and in the end the only one. However, seeing the truth is next to impossible! T-14.II.2 says, Nothing is so alien to you as the simple truth, and nothing are you less inclined to listen to.
T-14.II.4 says, The truth is true. Nothing else matters, nothing else is real, and everything beside it is not there. Let Me make the one distinction for you that you cannot make, but need to learn. Your faith in nothing is deceiving you. Offer your faith to Me, and I will place it gently in the holy place where it belongs. You will find no deception there, but only the simple truth. And you will love it because you will understand it.
Personally, seeing the truth came with the realization that nothing in this world was real. It meant there was nothing to figure out because nothing mattered. This realization cut through everything the world tried to “show” me. It was so simple, it seemed insane to others when I spoke aloud… “none of this is true.”
The world has a million completely plausible and logical responses to “show” me why in fact things could be true in this world. As a warning, the Course says, You will believe that nothing is of value, and will value it. A little piece of glass, a speck of dust, a body or a war are one to you. For if you value one thing made of nothing, you have believed that nothing can be precious, and that you can learn how to make the untrue true.
In the times in which we now live where terrorism and war are so real. Where so many ask how God could allow war, and even Course students ask how murder and bloodshed fit into their lives, the above paragraph really hit home for me.
I have found great comfort in seeing the truth. I can look at the world and immediately remember that I am at home with my Father. The space in which this world exists is as a daydream that floats in my mind. The daydream is not real, but is part of me and I daydream would not exist as I would not exist without the daydream. We are one. However, the daydream is an illusion and floats and is made of Love as I am the thought that exists within God’s mind.
Not sure how this all syncs up with Course teachings, but I have found it comforting and wanted to share with you all. Merry Christmas my friends!
Dear Robert –
I love that quote – one of my favorite parts of the Work – “The truth is True”. Thanks for getting me in touch again with that precious Thought.
Cheers,
a*
Hi, Robert…we’re so glad you are stopping by to chat. Your question about what is the thing HS teaches is a good one. Lately, the HS has been teaching me how very powerful the mind is. It can make insanity out of anything. But the saving factor is that the mind (being split) can choose
differently. We need HS’s help to first figure out how much better off we
would be to change our minds…to show us the differences. We need someone outside of the Dream of Insanity to help us do this because we are clueless to this, ourselves seeing only the perspective of the Dream of Insanity. So we need a teacher. HS is that. The rest is learning forgiveness, which is the tool to see differently and dispel the dream or the process of choosing differently.
Just my baby student summation.
Hugs!
Thank you Robert for sharing what brings you comfort and your wish that we too find the same sense of relief. Surely the comfort will be returned to you a hundred fold. (: I will hold on to that line as well “The truth is True”. A simple thought that cuts through the madness
that will help keep me grounded.
Love when the dialogue opens up…missed you lately Laura and always am grateful for your baby student summations, even though I would never call them that.
Have a lovely weekend everyone.
Thank you Robert for sharing with us your experiences. Ditto a* and Annie, “The truth is True”, is a gem, something to hang always on.
Liked your dissertation a lot Laura, thanks, and as Annie I would never call it a baby student sharing. Always so helpful.
Hugs to all and happy weekend,
Lisi
{{Robert}} Thank you. I have reread this several times today.